Sunday, April 09, 2006

George Liquor Stories 3-fast food, lust and atheists

Here are a few more premises for George Liquor stories!



Fast Food
Slab ‘n’ Ernie convince George to take them to McDonald’s for a treat.
George has never been to a fast food restaurant before and is stunned when he discovers what they call meat there. He pulls out the flimsy dried little burnt grey disk out of the soggy bun and looks through it –“This thing died of old age!!”
He goes crazy with outrage and shows everyone what real meat is and tastes like. There is a cow eating in the restaurant and he takes some slices off the cow and fries them up. Everyone, even the cow, agrees that organic, fresh meat is much better than the crap they pass off as meat in fast food restaurants.

JIMMY IS IN LOVE

1. SET-UP:
Jimmy comes home acting weird. He’s light on his feet, floating around dreamily. He’s in love.
George thinks he’s sick. He feels his forehead for fever.
George puts a thermometer in his mouth.
Sody swings on the gate out in front of George and Jimmy’s house.
Jimmy stares out the window making strange noises.
George understands the problem—Jimmy’s in love.

George leads Jimmy away from the window and tries to talk him out of having contact with women, “What you wanna go hangin’ `round with girls for? They got all that soft crap hangin’ off of `em. You notice that?”

Jimmy imagines Sody’s curves and nods yes.
George: “Women are fags! Afterall, they like to see men naked don’t they?”
Jimmy looks out the window and sees Sody.

2. BODY:
George calls Sody inside.

George has talk with Sody
Finally George realizes it’s no use. Jimmy is at that age.

GEORGE’S ADVICE

George teaches Jimmy the ropes, “When I was a teenager they called me ‘Lover Liquor’”
George turns Mabel’s picture face down.
Toilet seat
GL: “Leave the toilet seat up at her house. It reminds her who’s boss.”
Drive Drunk
“Drive 80-miles-an-hour on the freeway blind drunk. She’ll know you’re a real man.”

Antlers
George puts antlers on Jimmy’s head.
Jimmy Attacks
GL: “Go ahead, mark your territory on that telephone pole over there!”
George’s tip “Beat the crap out of somebody in front of your gal, girls love that.”
Jimmy (wearing antlers) attacks a suave looking boy who is talking to Sody.
3. END: (a secret! You'll have to wait till someone buys this damn show finally.)


The Dirty Atheist
George’s pal Victor Lugnuts has a problem. His son is an atheist. George offers to cure the kid and get him into heaven.
When Eddie the atheist starts asking George unanswerable questions, George sputters and concludes that Eddie is possessed by the “Science Demon” - a monster who goes around planting fossil evidence in the ground and genetic evidence in our bodies. This kind of demon can’t be reasoned with because he cheats by using logic. George performs an exorcism on Eddie and removes the accursed demon.

all kinds of stuff: The George Liquor Program
all kinds of stuff: George Liquor Stories 1
all kinds of stuff: George Liquor Stories 2
The George Liquor Program Spinoffs: 2 Dirty Pussies