Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Wally Man 4 - Wally's Girlfriend

Wally, like all men, needs love.

Petunia Man

Petunia is Wally’s girlfriend.
She is bald too except for pigtails on her butt.
She is very temperamental.
One minute she likes Wally and the next he’s done something wrong or offensive but he never knows what he did.
She makes him jump through hoops to please her.
She loves animals and demands that any love of hers better be kind to dumb animals.
Wally has to pretend he likes animals when she’s around. Billy Chicken takes advantage of this by helping himself to Wally’s food, hospitality and love.


Wally’s allergies
Wally is allergic to fur, feathers, beaks, combs and wattles.

Whenever he is near animals he sneezes, breaks out in hives and has asthma attacks. He has a big inhaler that he breathes into to rid his lungs of dander.

Petunia’s Love Test
Wally meets Petunia for the first time and falls in love.
She makes him prove himself before she accepts his love.
He has to prove that he is:
...Hardy

Opening
Billy Chicken is heckling Wally one morning and driving Wally crazy. (Need heckling jokes)
Vision of Beauty
All of a sudden Wally is distracted by a lovely vision of smoothness: Petunia Man.
Love takes: what are they?
Wally loses interest in Billy and goes to meet Petunia. He polishes first.

...Loves Animals
Petunia tells him: ”My man has to be sensitive. He must love all God’s creatures and be kindly and share his fortune with them.

Wally tells Petunia,”Oh I wove dumb animalth! I wove them even more than wiches or fame!”
Billy Chicken overhears Wally’s lie and calls him on it. He rubs around his legs and purrs and helps himself to all of Wally’s material possessions:

Food
TV
Bed

Wally gets Asthma attacks
Every time Wally does anything with Billy, he starts gasping for air and coughing up feathers.
He keeps pulling out a giant inhaler and taking puffs from it in-between trying to pretend to indulge Billy and wanting to hit him.

Billy Misses His Litter Box
Petunia notices something stinky and thinks Wally farted.
Wally is embarrassed.
Petunia says, “That’s a very rude thing to do on our first date Wally Man!” I like to get to know a man first, before I inhale his most private secrets.
Then Wally realizes what happened: Billy crapped on the potato chips.
This is Wally’s chance to discipline his pet!

“For shame you wittle thicken! Did you cwap on the potato chips? Did you?”
Wally’s menacing shadow creeps over Billy as Billy backs against the wall.

Petunia Catches Wally punishing Billy
Wally pushes Billy’s beak towards his dirty deed and spanks his bottom.
Petunia freaks out!
“Wally Man! Are you being cruel to that poor ignorant beast? He’s only following his nature! How dare you! You apologize to your special friend.”
Wally reluctantly apologizes while holding Billy’s beak tightly and pinching him hard.

Humane Society
A huge burly thug from the humane society comes and beats up Wally and brands him an abuser, then leaves.
Then Petunia sees the brand and gets all lovey-dovey, “I love a man with a tattoo”.

Kiss
So now Petunia is ready for romance. She says, “”Well aren’t you gonna kiss me you great big hunk of shiny skin, you?”
Wally takes a huge puff from his asthma inhaler.
Just as he close his eyes and puckers up, Billy plucks a couple feathers and stuffs them up Wally’s nose.

He kisses Petunia. She squeezes him hard.
We see Wally’s nose begin to twitch. He fights it! His eyes start watering.
Billy scratches his comb and chicken dander falls into Wally’s eyes.
The eyes turn red and swell up.
Hives break out all over Wally.

They stop kissing and Petunia opens her eyes softly to gaze at Wally’s twitching face.
She says, “That’s the best kiss I eever…”
“Aaaaathchoooooo!!!” Wally sneezes into her face.
“Well I never!!” says Petunia (covered in slime) who slaps Wally’s face and leaves in a huff. “You’ll never be my boyfriend, you slovenly brute!”

Wally chases Billy
Chasing and puffing on his inhaler as they run off into the distance.
The End

80 comments:

bardhol said...

How dare you make a cartoon character based on my dear ex-girlfriend?
PS- still working on my lessons every day almost. Comments and critiques are most welcome

Danne8a said...

This is so wrong it's right.

Gabriel said...

haha, that Billy Chicken is such a pest, I hope there's at least one episode in which he loses!

Duck Dodgers said...

I'm sure the choice of the Petunia name is an hommage to Clampett, isn't it?

Eric C. said...

Very nice.

John,

It almosted seemed like Ren & Stimpy had fully developed in season 2, Although in APC, they're givin a new look.

Someone last year at my high school tought that It was done by a new guy.

I'm not putting the more advanced look down, but since then until now, What made you deside to change the look of Ren & Stimpy?

_Eric

David Germain said...

I'm sure the choice of the Petunia name is an hommage to Clampett, isn't it?

However, it was Frank Tashlin that created Petunia for Porky.

william wray said...

Now we are getting somewhere.

Duck Dodgers said...

Yep, David!

I want to write the "LTs universe" but I was thinking at Clampett that very second. Silly me!

Gavin Freitas said...

When is this getting animated? I'll take two..

Kali Fontecchio said...

All right! I love it!

They are so cute together! Did Clampett's way of making porky pig etc. cuter looking inspire you?

glamaFez said...

I can't wait to see what animated chicken dander looks like.

S.G.A said...

I didn't think much of Wally man , but I really like the idea now... Petunia man. It's time for great new ideas .

This quwalifies.

The Butcher said...

"Then Wally realizes what happened: Billy crapped on the potato chips."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

For some reason that had me laughin like Eddie Fitzgerald! I have no idea why, but that jerked a tear out of my eye. It's just so funny. Good stuff!

Peggy said...

Damn. That first drawing of Petunia Man is one of the creepiest things I've seen in a long time. Well done!

Doctor Chris Chun said...

Dear John,

You are a very talented person, and I know you mean well, but please focus your talents on something better than that. This shows no influence from the classics, like Clampett you look up to. It is silly, and disgusting. Best wishes,

Doctor Chris Chun

broKeNbot said...

What does Wally's inhaler look like?

Jorge Garrido said...

HAHAHAH! I love it. I get teh gloves on his feet, but why pigtails on her butt? To cover her naughty bits?

LONG DONG SILVA said...

AHAAA great!...Petunia man ...is she a MAN !!! draw some boobs on here or something heheh

Shawn said...

Damn girlfriends always making guys pretend they like animals! I lived that cartoon! Except Petunia Man has a more hairy butt.

Hopefully this can become a real cartoon. I love this! Those drawings are great!

Clinton said...

Whatever happened to Petunia Pig? I remember only one short with Petunia and Porky, I think it's on the Looney Tunes DVD. I like the design of the girlfriend. It resembles the Jerry and Elmer Fudd design you encourage us to practice on.

kp said...

Interesting look for Petunia, haha. I really like the story as well--poor Wally!

Jason said...

Hey John,

I would like to know how things are going to reactivate Spumco? Any Progess. And if you had any thoughts of creating a show of boobo runs wild many people enjoyed it.


J.F

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Haw! Haw! Haw!

Eddie

Dr.Awkward said...

>> Doctor Chris Chun
<

Hey, I'M the only "doctor" 'round these parts! This blog 'aint big enough for the two of us! I challenge you to a duel! A DUEL OF THE DOCTORS!!!

Hahaha, just kidding. ; )

max ward said...

Wally Man looks better every post, but I want to see some drawings and stories about Jimmy the Idiot Boy.

Art F. said...

billy chicken rules!

Ollie said...

The part about the potato chips was really funny and putting pigtails on her butt is a stroke of genius.

John, when you pitch something, do you pitch a whole bunch of ideas at once or would this be just one big pitch?

Is there any hope for He-Hog? Maybe Powdered Toast Man could guest star in an episode.

I'd be happy if either of those (He-Hog, Wally Man) get made.

-Ollie

Eric C. said...

John,

Did you ask Cartoon Network or MTV2 if they want to do something with it?

_Eric

The Butcher said...

"Haw! Haw! Haw!

Eddie"

That's the one.

Kevin Langley said...

This is real funny, the more you post about Wally Man the more I like him.

Anonymous said...

>> How dare you make a cartoon character based on my dear ex-girlfriend? <<

I too dated someone like that once. Just thinking about that makes me hungry for veal. Meat - the sweet taste of vengeance!

Jennifer said...

Wow! This is getting really good. The courtship story has an air of truth to it.

I have a few questions:
- Does each synopsis represent an episode, or is this an entire episode?

- If Petunia is supposed to be a female, why is she called a "Man"? Sorry, that's my left brain talking...

Anonymous said...

Cool...But i want to see george liquor!

David Germain said...

Whatever happened to Petunia Pig? I remember only one short with Petunia and Porky, I think it's on the Looney Tunes DVD.

Petunia was only in 5 cartoons.

Porky's Romance (by Frank Tashlin c. 1937)
Porky's Double Trouble (by Frank Tashlin c. 1937)
The Case of the Stuttering Pig (by Frank Tashlin c. 1937)
Porky's Picnic (by Bob Clampett c. 1939)
Naughty Neighbors (by Bob Clampett c. 1939)

After that she was only used in the comic books.

Yes, I am also liking this idea more now that I know what it's about. I can now see the gentle poof of the Porky Pig universe.

Anonymous said...

looks like wallyman is going about attracting petunia all wrong.

His attempts to try and win her affection will only leave him empty and heartbroken, and wondering why she still doesn't love him even though he is being nice to her.

wally man needs to stop being a boy, and start being a MAN

-L

Trevour said...

I log on and the first thing I see is the Petunia Man drawing. This stuff was making me laugh to no end!

"...to rid his lungs of dander." - specificity is funny!!!

Also, the expression on Billy Chicken's face in the last picture is priceless.

C. A. M. Thompson said...

SMOOTH!

steve said...

That scalp hair on petunia's ass is freaking weird,this show would be so funny to see this on tv or the net.

stiff said...

I'm REALLY intrigued by the relationship between Billy and Wally now that Petunia is involved. It seems much more interesting when the ability to just walk away from the guy that annoys the crap outta ya is removed. In that case it's much more interesting than a simple antagonism for antagonism's sake. Reminds me of the Walter/Dude relationship in The Big Lebowski, which I LOVE. Not so much for the relationship itself, but for the antics it creates.

By the way, is Wally Man pronounced in the same way as Superman, or more like Bugs Bunny, where the two words are a formal name? I kind of get the impression that it's the latter, though I think the former sounds funnier.

Mitch K said...

Heh heh I love this!

Sketch said...

Reminds me of my sister and her BF. The way she makes him jump through hoops to prove his love for her is cruelly funny.

Anonymous said...

Yep.

This isn't getting made in anything but self-financed web cartoon form.

It is better to be slightly more commercial and less pointlessly bizzare like a cartoon about deformed,neckless humanettes and an evil chicken.

k9_kaos said...

"Man" that's funny! I love the bit where Wally gets beaten up by the Humane Society!
It's cute when cartoon characters fall in love. Check out this Betty Boop and Bimbo cartoon!
As for the comments that Petunia isn't a "man", well technically Wally isn't a man either. What is he then? Why, he's a...
...
...
um...
...
...

Brian Malakov said...

Being weird for its own sake is a creative dead end. The difference between this and say the classic cartoon Porky Pig in Wackyland is that the bizzare nature of the characters was used to channel humor wheither through funny movements or unexpected actions.

Having something be bizzare when it isn't explicitly funny, such as a cartoon character with ass pigtails is a creative misstep.

I believe that this was a major pitfall of the writing in Ripping Friends as well.

Gretski said...

Brain Malakov said>>Having something be bizzare when it isn't explicitly funny, such as a cartoon character with ass pigtails is a creative misstep.<<

no way, this stuff is hilarious! how is bald woman with ass pigtails NOT funny????, dont be so serious, lets see some of your creations Brian, they'd be as boring as hell.

Josh "Just What the Doctor Ordered" Heisie said...

Petunia Man! Holy crap! That's amazing! She's also somewhat disturbing and naked...I don't think the "family program" aspect of this show is going to be accepted because people are squares...

I had my doubts about Wally Man, but this post made up for it!

"Oh I wove dumb animalth! I wove them even more than wiches or fame!" That has to be one of the funniest lines ever!

This must get made!

Anonymous said...

ROFTLing

LOLing

and

HAHAing

Lucius said...

You know, if that Billy plays the game with an eye to his future comfort and Wally's eternal torment, he'd take pains to make sure Petunia does fall for Wally and falls hard! Forever! An eternity of sucking up to animals and fighting exploding hives?

Utterly priceless imho.

Boner said...

You guys seriously think this is funny?

Ok...

Anonymous said...

It's his blog, so it's understandable that the comment section here is going to be populated by a small and very hardcore fanbase.

You already see a group of "regulars" developing among the comment section as if it were a full blown internet forum.

That said, these people are going to love everything he does regardless of how brilliant or how much of a stinker it is, and if some they believe something isn't quite good, they likely aren't going to give him an honest answer.

The fact is that John is iconic to many of these people and due to that, they make a very poor sounding board for him to bounce ideas off of because he isn't going to recieve honest and accurate feedback that can be applied to the general public in any way, shape or form.

This is a pitfall he needs to avoid and consider when reading the feedback on this site.

The Butcher said...

Except the occasional fuck-wad troll that talks shit. I'm impressed by the art of Spumco cartoons and naturally want to see more of them. So don't call us suck-ups. We're fans supporting shit we want to see. If you don't like it, get off the planet.

Anonymous said...

actually i am a big time spumco fan but even i have to admit that everything i have read about wallyman so far is really lame and sounds very half baked.

sorry John, can't win 'em all!

But then again, once i see the characters moving and hear them talking, i might find it funny...

R2K said...

That is so nasty : )

The GagaMan(n) said...

Oh dear. This whole Wally man idea is getting worse with every post, IMO. Weird? Yes. Funny? Not really, to be honest. Even it this was animated really well (like all Spumco stuff is), the idea stinks.

Anonymous said...

hey john, post "What Pee Boners Are For"!!!

PLEEEEEEEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

bodidarma said...

pig tails growing out of her but cheeks....thats sexy

Alex said...

Are you asking US for heckling gags?!!
What if Billy puts a live goldfish behind Wally's eye. Yopu know...just takes it out...calmly places a goldfish in the socket, replaces the eye. Maybe gives the goldfish some subble gum. Bubble gum is very difficult to remove from eye sockets.

Anonymous said...

CRAZY MAN, CRAZY

Krissi said...

Wally's girlfriend kicks furry butt! So funny, I hope it gets made.
P.S.what's with all the talk about yes-man and such? It's just an artist posting some ideas and people responding. Some like them, some don't. It's natural way of things. If you don't like this blog, go shave a squirel...or something.

JohnK said...

>>I'm not putting the more advanced look down, but since then until now, What made you deside to change the look of Ren & Stimpy?<<

I didn't. The cartoons always looked different. They look like whoever happens to be drawing and painting them.

If I do more, I will experiment with a more "cartoony" Milt Gross kinda look.

JohnK said...

>>By the way, is Wally Man pronounced in the same way as Superman, or more like Bugs Bunny, <<

Like Bugs Bunny or Porky Pig with an accent on the last name.

mashuren said...

The 8:43 comment was me, by the way. I meant to publish the comment with my name, since I don't believe in hiding my opinions behind anonymity. Sorry about that.

Ohjeepers said...

Certainly everyone is entitled to an opinion (since they are after all like butt holes) but seriously...

Why waste precious energy criticizing something that does not exist yet. John makes funny cartoons, that’s just what he does. Some are better than others, and all tend to be better than the competition.

My guess is that he has the skill to make even the most boring and pedestrian concept entertaining (Because there is clearly nothing FUNNY about a creepy androgynous girlfriend with pigtails on her butt), so relax and save your concern for the hungry children of the world.

I hear that they are really very hungry.

James.

The GagaMan(n) said...

But surely doesn't criticizing something before it's properly made help the artist to try and improve the concept before it's produced (if, in this case, ever)?

cemenTIMental said...

essentially, he has a group of online yes-men and he needs to be mindful of that when looking for feedback here.
Don't worry, he has a group of (always anonymous, strangely enough) No-men too! :)

Marc Deckter said...

Seriously, do yourself a favor and abandon the Wally Man project, get together with a team of good writers...

I agree with this brave Anonymous commentor, John.

Instead of making a hilarious cartoon that is in fact a cartoon of a cartoon and perfectly caricatures all the funny conventions we love about golden age cartoons, you should get together with some top-notch writers who can bring more celebrity-driven references and more relevant and topical political and social commentary.

I mean what kind of viewer wants to just laugh at funny drawings and funny animation?

snotblaster said...

>I agree with this brave Anonymous commentor, John.
Instead of making a hilarious cartoon that is in fact a cartoon of a cartoon and perfectly caricatures all the funny conventions we love about golden age cartoons, you should get together with some top-notch writers who can bring more celebrity-driven references and more relevant and topical political and social commentary. <

Umm, if you're looking for "celebrity-driven references" and "relevant and topical political and social commentary" of the type South Park or Family Guy use, you're gonna be disappointed. It may have some small portion of these included, but it isn't gonna take center stage.

> I mean what kind of viewer wants to just laugh at funny drawings and funny animation? <

What kind of viewer DOESN'T want to laugh at that? If it's the kind that just wants to laugh at "celebrity-driven references" and "relevant and topical political and social commentary" of the type South Park or Family Guy use, then you've proven my point.

Marc Deckter said...

Sorry Snotblaster - I was trying to be sarcastic in my comment! I guess it's hard to show sarcasm on these blog comments - I'll have to be more careful next time!

WALLY MAN is my absolute favorite of John's new cartoon pitches! I really hope it gets made. And you haven't even seen all the pitch boards yet....there's more to come!

mashuren said...

marc deckter

I never said anything about being celebrity-driven, or featuring social or political commentary. Please do not put words in my mouth.

The cartoons that I mentioned as counterexamples to Wally Man happen to feature those things, but I mentioned them simply because they are examples of modern cartoons that are funny because of the writing.

I was suggesting that John find writers to collaborate with to help him create cartoons that are innately funny, rather than having to rely entirely on humorous animation. Humorous animation alone is not enough to carry a show. I believe that RASINO ("Ren and Stimpy In Name Only", or the Adult Party Cartoon) proved that.

For an example of a cartoon that was succesfully able to be a caricature and a tribute to classic cartoons, look no further than Animaniacs. That's an example of a (relatively) modern cartoon with good writing, that appeals to adult sensibilities (while still remaining family-friendly.) It probably would have been a better example to cite in my previous comment.

I would LOVE to see a new cartoon that serves as a parody/homage of classic cartoons, but sadly I'm of the opinion that Wally Man doesn't seem like the best way to do it. Please understand that I'm a huge fan of John's, and mean no disrespect.

Marc Deckter said...

Hi Mashuren - oops! I didn't realize you revealed who you were in the comment following your anonymous post!

I was mostly reacting to the suggestion to "abandon the Wally Man project" since this is the project I MOST want to see happen!

But I understand your explanation, and I understand that you mean no disrespect. Thanks for the clarification!

JohnK said...

>>Please find some people you can collaborate with.<<
Uh...huh?

That's what I always do.More than any of those other cartoons you mentionm where the artists have no say at all.

Read how many people think these cartoons are funny. Just because you don't get it, I should not make them for those who do?

JohnK said...

>>But surely doesn't criticizing something before it's properly made help the artist to try and improve the concept before it's produced (if, in this case, ever)?

You should have heard all the criticisms of Ren and Stimpy before it got made-even after the pilot got made.
Good thing I didn't listen to it.

JohnK said...

>>For an example of a cartoon that was succesfully able to be a caricature and a tribute to classic cartoons, look no further than Animaniacs. That's an example of a (relatively) modern cartoon with good writing,<<

Well there goes any credibility you might have had.

mashuren said...

Fair enough.

For honest feedback, though, you may want to do some market research with an audience that doesn't consist overwhelmingly of existing fans. People are prone to participate in a little bit of idol worship that causes them to exaggerate and alter their opinions for the sake of not making waves with those they admire.

Not saying that everyone here who says that they like what they've seen so far is lying, just saying that some of them may not react so favorably if they did not know who the drawings and descriptions were by.

Anonymous said...

You were right about Ren and Stimpy, but Ripping Friends stunk. APC was just starting and ultimately a mixed bag.

You're 1-1-1 so far, Wally Man sucks.

HeHog doesn't.

Anonymous said...

Holy shit.... Someone actually praised Anamaniacs as being a halfway decent cartoon. Now, I think I truly have witnessed the end of our entire civilization before my eyes with a comment like that.

Holy lord in heaven.

Wow...

hell YES any credibility that person had went out the window. It not only went out the window but flew down the street and got flushed down like a turd in the toliet of horribly misguided and uninformed opinions.

Animanaics? Good lord. The continued existance of that show was a complete mockery to Warner Brothers and their entire legacy. Is was a mere insult and an embarassing ugly bloodstained, blotch of absoute dog crap to any of the animators of the golden age and anything they might have produced from 1920-1959.

I cannot even beging to fathom how anyone could even say such a ludricrous thing with a straight face, or without bursting into laughter and say "I'm just kidding"

Anamaniacs.. was a TERRIBLE, UNREDEEMABLE show, written... not drawn... by cartoon writers, not animators. It was not concieved by animators and it none of the fun, charm, quailty, nor evoked anything even remotely pleasant from the age of good cartoons that passed by. This show only disgraced those memories.

It was revised history of their entire legacy, retooled for the sensibilities of 8 year old children who couldn't possibly know any better than to believe for a single second that cartoons in the golden age were anywhere near that level of total crap.

Anyone who actually watched that mess and bothered to even spew the terribly misguided belief that this was anything but an insult to WB, with a straight face, has absoutly Zero credibility, and should, quite honestly be very very VERY VERY VERY ashamed of themselves for the rest of their lives.

Sorry but that's just the way it is.

Anonymous said...

OMG!!! BEST POST EVER!!!

Dp said...

Hehe nice, i love how the pigtails grow from her ass hair

The GagaMan(n) said...

Anonymous 5:53 - You won't want to be joining the Toon Zone forums, then. WB have done much worse: Loonatics, Baby Looney Tunes and Tiny Toons, for example. =E

Anonymous said...

John K or anyone else that may know, what type of markers do you use for these drawings? they have a really rich look to them.

thanks