Thursday, March 20, 2008
George Liquor Pilot Sketches
Here's the whole story:
Pontiac Vibe Presents The George Liquor Program
In an animated title sequence we see George in his Vibe leaving the office (his Liquor Store) He travels across town and stops to pick up the family and head off to do his various George Liquor activities:
He picks up Slab N Ernie from school. Picks up Jimmy the Idiot boy from the Idiot farm.
We see George's car parked in front of Victor Lugnuts' Meat Market. Victor is grinding up a live cow for George. He wraps it in brown paper.
George drives up to his house and jumps out of the car, followed by the kids.
His neighbor is waiting for him on the lawn, looking pissed about who knows what. George punches him and knocks him down
The kids jump out of the car.
We wipe the scene to the back yard and George is wearing his cooling apron and chef's hat as he barbecues up huge hamburgers for the family.
A narrator shouts in a booming baritone
”Pontiac Vibe Presents!”
The George Liquor Program!
George turns to camera and takes a big bite out of his burger. With his mouth full he shouts: “The only Goddamn decent family show on the Internets!”
Episode 1: Evil-ootion
In The House
Slab N Ernie
HOMEWORK VS CARTOONS- WHAT'S BETTER FOR YOU?
George marches past Slab 'N' Ernie's bedroom. The door is closed.
George yells at the kids in their room “You kids doin' your homework?”
Slab 'N' Ernie in unison: “Yessir Unca George!”
George walks past the room and plops a stump down on the rug in the den. He sits on it and grinds his butt into a comfortable position.
Slab N Ernie Try to sneak out to watch cartoons
Cut to hallway as Slab 'N' Ernie open the door a crack and peer around.
Slab: “I'm tired of doing homework Ern. Let's watch cartoons instead.”
Ernie smacks Slab: “Shuttup, punkass! You want Uncle George to hear us?”
George catches them trying to sneak out of the bedroom and gives them a lecture about homework and discipline.
George: “Hey you kids! You know the Goddamn rules! No Cartoony Pictures until you finish yer homework!”
The kids moan and go back to their homework.
“These kids today don't understand the value of discipline!”
Cut to Slab N Ernie leaning over a big fat science book. Their brows strain as they try to absorb the knowledge.
George leans in and peers over their shoulders. "Watcha studyin' anyway?"
Slab tells George" We're learnin' 'bout EVOLUTION, Unca George!"
"What the Hell is EVIL-Lootion?"
Ernie explains: “It's a theory that says we're all related to apes and monkeys.”
"WHAAAAAAAATTTTT?" George explodes with rage and disbelief. "Lemme see that book!!"
He opens it to a double page spread of an illustration of animals evolving.
We see a duck crawling out of the sea evolving into a crawfish, then a springbok and a crocodile, then a flying kangaroo, an ape in a tree and then finally George in a loin cloth. All the animals have George's face.
“What the Hell are they teaching kids these days?!!”
George tosses the book into the fireplace and says "Forget your homework. Let's watch some all-American Cartoony -Type Pictures kids!"
The scene wipes away to the rec room downstairs.
Cartoony Type Pictures
The kids are sitting on the couch in front of TV trays as George walks in with TV dinners for them.
George doesn't really get cartoons. He's too old and forgets what fantasy is all about.
The kids are watching the cartoons and laughing.
George stares at the TV and only sees abstract colorful shapes morphing around the screen. He squints hard.
"What the Hell is a cartoon anyway? Just a bunch of flying colors and crazy voices?"
George can never remember the names of cartoon characters.
George: “Look at that funny guy. What's his name, 'Woody Longpecker'? That's your favorite isn't it son? I like the other guy, what the hell is his name... 'Buzz Bunghole', the mean one. What's that pecker guy doin'? He's always poking around in Buzz Bunghole's business. That's some funny crap for sure.
The kids keep telling him to shut up. They feel every emotion in the cartoons and George is dumbfounded.
IMITATE EVERYTHING YOU SEE IN THE CARTOONS
After the cartoon is over, George decides "At least that's a lot better than the crap they teach you in schools these days!
Tell you what. Go outside and do everything you see in the cartoonies!"
The kids go outside and jump off roofs and blow each other up with firecrackers and end up in the hospital.
George is visiting. "Well now you've learned something!"
In The Hospital
Slab 'N' Ernie are bandaged up in their twin hospital beds. George peers at them smiling.
“Does it hurt?”
“Yes Unca George!!!” the kids shout.
George: “Great! Pain lets you know you're alive!”
He tears out their I.V. s
Cut to George driving in his Vibe
Cut to a clock on the wall. Time passes.
Now George is looking at Slab N Ernie with contempt. He thinks they've had enough “rest”.
They are lying in their hospital gurneys with compound fractures, misplaced eyeballs, and still smoking firerworks protruding from their bodies
GEORGE: Whaddya gonna do, just lay there all day and scab up? Suck it up boys! Be real men!
George unplugs their life support machine and drags them into the parking lot.
VIBE INTEGRATION SEQUENCE (not working yet)
He throws them, gurneys and all, into the spacious back of the Vibe.
GEORGE: There's a lot to do. It's a big fat world out there!
He plugs the life support machine into the Vibe's power outlet and takes off.
They are barreling down the highway in the Vibe singing “It's a Big Fat World”
As they fly around in the car, the boys are joyously singing, even though they're propped up in full body casts. They're all wired up in traction and their limbs bash everywhere.
We intercut driving and singing sequences with George encouraging the boys to “live life”.
“Get your hands dirty!” They cut down trees. Ernie fumbles with a chainsaw.
“Learn an instrument” George blows a tuba and phlegm onto Slab's face.
“Fall in love…no touching ya raging hormone!” He smashes Ernie's already broken fingers away from a pretty girls hand.
More singing and driving. “It's a Big Fat World”
Then, they wave goodbye to the TV audience. "G'bye folks! See you next time! Ya bunch of commies!"