Thursday, November 05, 2009

Cartoonists, Lumberjacks and Middle Meddlers: Chainsaws 3

What a modern day lumberjack would be like. But let's go back in time, shall we?

Now George Liquor has a natural talent for cutting down trees. In fact, some say he was born with a chainsaw in his mouth. He has been chopping down trees every day since he was a wee lad. And boy, was his Ol' Man proud.
He has even won the medal of freedom for his great contribution to the depletion of our essential resources.

And in free moments, when he finds himself without a chainsaw in his hands, he studies the history and techniques of the great lumberjack heroes that inspired him. So should we let him get to the job God put him on this earth for and let him take down a couple of His precious rainforests in a day or 2? No sir, this is the 21st Century and we don't do things that way anymore. We are much more scientific now. We still wanna take down the rainforests, but we need to do it with the aid of inexperienced experts who can do it sloppily in a much longer period and at 50 times the cost.

No pinkies that wrote these instructions have ever been tainted by the roughness of bark.
Those who can't do surely must make the rules, because after all, they are not prejudiced by old-school practical experience. They obtain their immense knowledge in the abstract, through market research.
Well no one can say ol' George ain't the sporting type.
He's willing to give the new cumbersome ways a shot.
My gosh, what a mess we have to clean up! But that's how we do things in our modern world.
Moral of the story:

Today we spread the decisions. It's only fair to all the people who do not have the blessings of a natural ability at something.

52 comments:

SEAN ÄABERG said...

"he is married to a man" too much! I'm dying!

Kali Fontecchio said...

!!!!!!!!!!

Oscar Baechler said...

BURN!!!

Trevor Thompson said...

I love how much fun you're having in these doodles. I wanted to try 'finishing' them, but the fun of the drawings intimidates me.

Gotta consult the 'Guts' manual!

I'm still in my stiff phase. Carpal tunnel ain't helping it either.

Kaiser Fate said...

I think this one's a lot funnier than the first lumberjack story.
It's an enigma that so much power is apparently given to people who have no real connection to the animation - scratch that, the creative industry. Isn't studio animation the only kind of institution where that happens?
I'd rather go independent like Bill Plympton - he exerts complete and utter creative control over his work.
I lament the way the studio system seems to be going and there is a reason I never really wanted to be a part of it...

Trevor Thompson said...

I also really love the 'tude drawing.

zmerrill said...

It's those kids that are ruining everything, those goddamn commies!

mr paal said...

Amazing! You're on a roll - these are superb. Love his cool flat feet. I wish my soles were just as radical. In fact, i'm clicking my heels together now...

All the details are wonderful. Like the trees' backsides! Nice.

Paul.

Atta Havlykke said...

Thank you john! What a way to start a day!
I especially liked the research room drawing. It's an exact depiction of how it was studying animation at the Danish design school. It wasn’t' even expected of us to draw anything?

Mick said...

what are you talking about now??? I love you in a demented child/ eccentric diseased uncle type fashion but find your point muddied here. Not to worry the pictures are funny, keep at it fella.

For an example of 'demented child/ eccentric diseased uncle' refer to: Ripping Yarns, The curse of the claw... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psd0okyYNUI...1.20

I think you will like the clip

ThomasHjorthaab said...

haha John! great drawing when George is a baby, with the dog cut in half!:D

Bob Lilly said...

The main reason this is funny is because it is absolutely true. The world has many of the folks who seek to rule and regulate. Good 'ole George, the all-American cannot be defeated by a middle meddler.
It would be a hoot if George handed his chainsaw to the meddler and said "show me how to do this."
Come visit.

S. M. Denman said...

TREE BUTTS! awesome stuff man haha, I totally love it.

Andrew Mortlock said...

I hear you man. There's gotta be a way around this system. It's not like it only applies to cartoons, or even just creativity and entertainment. The wrong people are doing all the wrong jobs everywhere since forever.

Wouldn't it be great if the competition came from trying to make the most enjoyable and pleasing product? Instead of all the effort going into convincing people it's a good product?!

Patrick McMicheal said...

Trees with asses!!!! Awesome. Kids love that sort of thing!

Brian O. said...

HAH! Entertain while you educate! You gotta get a show in front of the kiddies again!

Ebbe said...

I too think homosexuals are ruining everything, yes.

Paul B said...

man, this would make a goddamned great cartoon!!!!

it reminds me some tex avery cartoons that are told this way

Steve Hogan said...

This is the Texas Chainsaw Massacre prequel we were all really hoping for.

James said...

now i know where i saw george liquor, he's my woodshop teacher.

ArtF said...

these are damn great!

Jesse Benjamin said...

A tad homophobic, ey John?

384Sprites said...

That was friggin' hilarious.

Vincent Waller said...

No one draws trees with more life. Great post John.
I so want to see these animated.

Oliver_A said...

Hahaha! You know, your story and drawings remind me a lot about the good old MAD Magazine (back when it was funny).

Timefishblue said...

This is wonderful stuff

O gato said...

The photo of the man for some reason makes me think of the villain for this season's Dexter. It must be the chainsaw.

Alex said...

I totally got the analogy. It's great that you're fearless at thumping out stories that identify personal experiances and social commentaries.

For a student in training, it is inspiring.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

HawHawHawHawHawHaw!!!!!! This made me laugh out loud! It would make a great cartoon!

Ardy said...

WOWOWOW. This is god damn amazing. I think I'll take doodles of a show that won't be made, over the fully made garbage out there today.

Also, the rest of the script reads 'but is married to a man whose brother's friend knows a top exec,' right?

Pablo said...

jajajajajaajajajajajajajaa, its so funny!

Shawn Dickinson said...

Haha! I love this approach of using George Liquor comics to get your point across. Great stuff!

Sven Hoek said...

Man, I can hear Eddie laughing from here. HAW!

Very funny trees. George is a hunter with a saw.

Oh the sound effects would make that story shine. I can hear the trees screaming over the whirring chainsaw.

Chris said...

HAHAHA... so funny, yet so infuriatingly true. I love the hairy tree butts. Ain't nothing funnier than hairy tree butts... except maybe Lil George's stupified expression, classic!

Josh "Just What the Doctor Ordered" Heisie said...

These are amazing posts.
I love the trees!

The Butcher said...

This is the best.

The Butcher said...

George Liquor with tude though.... That must have been very hard to convince George to do that. Even for a second.

Fata Morgana said...

'Tude Saw! Mr. K, I think I love you!

It's sad how much of what you wrote applies to ALL businesses... instead of putting people at the top who actually know how the business runs and what each department does, we get people who went to business school. These people don't know JACK about how things actually work in the company, but hey, they have a degree in BUSINESS, so we should pay them a lot of money to make our jobs harder to do. siiiiigh.

Marc Deckter said...

These are hilarious! Hippie Exec and Tree Psychologist should have a show together.

Michael said...

Dang this stuff is good! Eventually, I'm going to have to get a job to pay for lookin at this, I know.

The Moral is soo truuuuuuew!

My Favorite Things:

Worm Shed!

Squirrel with Luggage!

Nobel Laureate with Seeable Brain!

Joe Schmoe must be a Soccer Mom's pen name cause it's married to a man. (or is this a mistake of genius!)

No Tainted Pinkies!

Research Biddy!

Half a guy

Soccer Mom with Cutted up nose

He --> Haw --> HE --> HAH ! : )

Cristian Avendaño said...

Oh, John! You're doing it wrong again!
It doesn't have enough 'tude. He needs sunglasses and a skateboard, at least. Also a cool hat. And a Rap themesong.

I love these posts. It really points out the problems with animation today. Keep it up, John!

carlo guillot said...

This is getting more and more hilarious. Last night I was reading this adventure to my girlfriend, and laughing as I read.
Hey John, I've been practicing your lessons and I'm getting more confident with construction. So I've decided to make an attempt on Kaspar, but I'm not so happy with the result. Is it too much to ask if you can check it and tell me what is not really working in the construction? My main concern is with the hands and eyes, so maybe you can help me to figure out what's wrong.
Here is my Kaspar.

bergsten said...

I've expressed your "moral" another way -- it isn't fair that one person does the work and gets the credit, so work and credit should always be divided.

Just out of curiosity, how long on average does it take you to do one of these drawings? Are they thought out completely first, or do you just kind of wing it, getting inspiration as it develops?

Kingsley said...

I like the tree butts and all the body gestures! Great stuff John.

thomas said...

Great drawings... the compositions of the first few (Baby George/crib, yard w/ Dad & George, and George cutting trees) are illustrations of all the various cartoon principles you've put on the blog,,... especially composition and hierarchy.

After cutting down all those trees, does George have a dream he's in the rainforest, sitting in a big cauldron of boiling water, surrounded by cannibals?

Where do cannibals get their cauldrons anyway?

Taco Wiz said...

THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!!

Brilliant anology, and even better drawings! That was possibly the funniest, most epic thing I've seen in ages. MAKE MORE!!!!!!!

zmerrill said...

George's first word, "AMERICAN!!"

coolhand said...

i like the 'tude george drawing haha awesome!

spaz said...

i like how George got his mothers nose.

talkingtj said...

a chain saw, in a babys mouth, you always cross the line! haw,haw!! i thought the headless kid in altruist was as tasteless as it gets! glad to know i was wrong! haw haw haw!!

Kelly Toon said...

John K, please watch this youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zSEaHyzbqTA it shows the reaction of the hippies to the po' twees being chopped up by mean ol' George. Wotta riot.

Eric said...

I bet chainsaws like those don't come cheeeeeeap! No sir!