Thursday, May 20, 2010

Heartaches Pilot 12 : Oh Unkind Fate

Roxy: "But you don't understand, Shan! Curlyfuzz has never been out on his own before! He needs love and the warmth of human kindness!"Dissolve to Doggy Divorce Court in the seedier part of town. We hear a gavel smash down hard on wood. Judge V.O. "Court is in session"
Spaz the Bulldog addresses the court: "Your honor, I'm afraid this marriage is a sham."
"Lord knows, we tried to make it work, but the love is gone. Oh Lord, it's gone away."
The judge listens carefully. "Hmmm."
Spaz: "It' ain't that he's not a good woman. It's that he's too good. For me, anyway.
"He's an uptown dame, used to leisure and comfort. I just can't provide him with the upscale lifestyle she deserves."
Judge: "Hmmm. one a them sissy dames is he?""Divorce granted. You may kick the bride."
Spaz: "I'm sorry, baby. It just wasn't meant to be. Be strong now."
Spaz gently takes his frail ex by the tail and turns to take aim for a good final boot.
He gives him the official divorce boot and Curly sails past the ghostly crowd of gawkers whose eternal joy is to lap up the misery of others.

Curly flies out of the courtroom and lands smack down on the cold cruel ground outside.

Woe is he. She. It. Whatever the Hell.

25 comments:

Roberto Severino said...

Brilliant!

zillustration said...

cats on the pillars are a nice touch, i ain't lion.

georgeliquor said...

I swear to God this would be the next Powerpuff Girls: a show that girls openly watch and boys watch in secret, despite the fact that it's a crazy cartoon like any other.

RooniMan said...

There goes that marriage. Now is solo time with the cruel world.

Isaac said...

Divorce won't fly on a children's show.

Noel said...

Your stuff always has that slight bit of twist to it.

John E. B. said...

Doesn't Mike Lazzo at least have any interest in hiring you for something like this?

JohnK said...

He says it does. But it never happens.

Pedro Vargas said...

Beautiful!!

Niki said...

I like how it doesn't make you feel sad, but it doesn't make me lAugh at this part either.

Peter Bernard said...

It makes me laugh! Kick the bride! Freaking awesome. Wow.

-jjmm- said...

I love you

Timothy Merks said...

haha sooo good!

bergsten said...

"...the ghostly crowd of gawkers whose eternal joy is to lap up the misery of others."

Remind me of this great line the next time somebody asks for a definition of "Mass Media."

Or, come to think of it, their audience.

Jorge Garrido said...

These dog characters are so appealing. They look like little gremlins, they're so small.

The story is really light, too. I love that.

Mark said...

Great idea. Very funny, especially the 'pronoun trouble'.

Hellbent Productions said...

Hey John... not sure if you knew about this, but if not, sorry to break the news, but apparently there will be new "3D" Roadrunner shorts AND a Looney Tunes sitcom where Bugs and Daffy are neighbors. I wish I were making this up.

http://chud.com/articles/articles/23775/1/LOONEY-TUNES-RETURNING-YAY--IN-3D-Famp/Page1.html

A.L. said...

dear John K.
i don't know if you play video games or not but. i found a sorta fan flash of the game team fortress 2 that i think you'll like
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GNnftq744I

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

Hilarious! If this got on the air audiences would love it!

FriedMilk said...

Hey John. I had a class project on designing a magazine, and I made you into a featured article. Maybe I'm being too hopeful on the state of things, but you can view it here: http://milkysketchbook.blogspot.com/2010/05/panel-magazine-layout-final.html

jeffreyJack said...

http://i.imgur.com/hckue.jpg

Best cartoon dog evah!

pappy d said...

@Isaac
Network-approved kidvid is a day job.

This is John's show. Note funniness.

mike f. said...

Judge oughta be a Black chick. Actually, every judge portrayed in every American movie for the last 20 years has been a soul sista.
Not complaining, just noticing. It's the code of the Hollywood hills...

Taber said...

HAhahaha! Loving the pronoun trouble.

Kid_Jacob said...

Ah, I just put my finger on the Fuzzy Dog's character design--there's this old bugs bunny cartoon with a dog that looks exactly like it. A majority takes place under water, as I recall (the judge is also a striking resemblence of Droopy, though I'm sure that's intentional).