John, I think you just struck on a fantastic idea.
South Park actually did an episode of mascots, particularly "Sexual Harassment Panda"My suggestion would be Snakey the don't send racially-tinged attack ads Snake.Still working out the kinks.
I had me a Smokey the Bear when I was a kid. I have yet to burn down a forest.
"kunty" the don't-be-a-cunt koala; "spitoo" the don't-hock-a-loogie-on-the-sidewalk water strider; "grunt" the don't-strain-so-hard-when-you're-on-the-toilet-you-give-yourself-a-fistula gorilla; "edie" the don't-blare-your-shitty-top-40-music-out-of-your-garage-at-two-a.m. ermine; and so forth...
Here's a creepy old Smokey the bear public service announcement: Creepy Smokey I bet a lot of kids were freaked out by the ending of this commercial!
I note they all have pants and hats but no shirts. And they are always outdoors. Can you spell "skin cancer"?
Goofus and Gallant!
I have a couple of suggestions:"MeanMan: The 'Put the Toilet Seat Down When You Live With a Woman' Bug""Corky: The 'Don't Make Fun of Retards' Retard""Zilchy: The "No Tolerance For Overly Effeminate Stereotypes' Fairy"Or how about a giant condom who's job it is to promote safe sex? "Provo King: I provoke you!... to avoid unwanted pregnancy."Then there's "Dildo Douchechills: The sasquatch whose job it is to remind Keith Olberman not to be so self-righteous"I got about a million more if you're interested.
Is there anything a shirtless bear can't teach us?
Do it. But you know a gnu and a wildebeest are the same thing right?
How does Smokey the Freaking Bear feel about controlled burns? They didn't have those when I was a kid. I visited Shenandoah National Park a few weeks after a "controlled" burn went wild and ended up scorching most of the southern end of the park. A sudden powerful windstorm came up. Imagine that. A windstorm in the mountains! Who would have figured?
Then there's:Scuzzlebarf The Self Important Stick Insect. He shows people gruesome footage of car crashes that result from lying about movie deals you haven't made yet.Clapchap Claus: A crabby crab who warns of the clap."Youth 'n' Asia": a pair of aborted twins who pull the plug on old timers who are brain dead.Humpy the Humpback Whale promotes abstinence by scaring the crap out of youngsters that worship the triune God. Johnny the John reminds us to flush and floss! He also reminds us not to spit or knit disaster baskets. No one knows why.
Another creepy, flat Smokey:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ibMAd71V8DI&NR=1
To all the people who made sexually related jokes here:this
A HA HA HA HA!
Yeah, that condom commercial was long.People from other countries don't really know about Smokey the Bear.He is really,“Smokey” the “Don’t-leave-fires-unattended-near-a-forest” Bear, for would be arsonists.""They should have a funny animal character for all antisocial behaviors. "Knuckly" the "Don't Mug Old Ladies Gnu would make a good role model. "Bad Tastey" the don't wear your pants below your underwear waistband Wildebeest. ""Or, “Dermy” the “Don’t pick your scabs in public” horseshoe crab could be a great spokesman.Or, “Ratzy” the “Don’t-stab-people-in-the-back” scorpion might be relatable.
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