Monday, August 01, 2011

It's HIM


It's the zombie from the primeval algae swamp.
Made of loosely compacted ooze, he emits carbon dioxide from his staring false eyes, hypnotizing his prey into a state of benumbed flaccid torpor.
The Nightmare From Before Time then sheds his waxy membrane and spews out its hellish living contents. The gleaming poisonous mass engulphs his victim, stinging every nerve ending with tiny dancing pseudopods. IT consumes the liquified remains of what once had form, feelings and family.

After absorbing the rich nutrients of the prey's tender pain receptors, it reverse vomits its wretched pulsing mass back into its husk and reorganizes the misshapen membrane into another awful perversion of vaguely humanoid contour.
...and the Hellish masquerade repeats...without mind...without soul...with only a vulgar and voracious hunger for meat that knows pain...

27 comments:

S-Harkey said...

This is absolutely terrifying.

Krepta said...

Kudos, Barney. That has to be the most elaborate mythology ever constructed around stealing your next-door neighbor's Cocoa Pebbles.

Johnimation said...

These are truly horrifying!

Elana Pritchard said...

Some toys should immediately be put in the microwave. You are a wordsmith, you know that?

John Rouse said...

Fred looks like he needs to lay off the sauce. He's gone cross-eyed and his rosacea is flaring. Wilma is really letting herselg go, too. Lay off the twinkies, woman.

Damiano D said...

Hahaha, wow! I didn't see that coming.

R.A.M.'67 said...

Betty and Wilma need to switch heads!

Fun stuff!

Peggy said...

Well done, sir. Well done.

BlakeJ said...

When pupil-only eyes are drawn too large, they look like empty eye sockets to me. Somehow, these toymakers made Barney's eyes even more hellish and terrifying.

Mike Fontanelli said...

Have you seen the one where Yogi orders Boo Boo to use the bedpost knob to replace his missing eyeball?


It's hideous...

Joshua Marchant (Scrawnycartoons) said...

Even with that harrowing description, still sounds better than Shrek

Lucas Nine said...

He looks just like PABLO PICASSO!

Zartok-35 said...

I know you hate the way they make scripted cartoons Mr K., but if you can write this well, I think you would fare pretty good in a modern 'Writers room'.

Mike Fontanelli said...

Not unlike this guy...

Charles M. said...

Hey John, could've fooled me...but i have a curious question. Have you every study psychology in college? Because whenever I read some of you posts you inflict such thought provoking concepts that become simply overwhelming. Have you somehow unlocked the true potential of the mind? Weird....

Gordeaux said...

I need a wee wee! I laugh so very hard at your words!

kurtwil said...

Nice touch, JK. Perhaps your story will resonate with those people restarting the Flintstone animation franchise (right along with the other hollywierd recycles in the pipeline).

Meanwhile, a Tangled cartoon link you may like:

http://jeffmorin.blogspot.com/2010/12/quick-comics-really-tangled.html

better than stock footage?

top cat james said...

When did Fred & Barney morph into Buddy Hackett?

Gwynn.D.Earl said...

Wow! Either that chick is HUGE.. Or the other one is tiny...

Don't know if this would be any interest to you:

BAD-EYE-DEERS animations
http://vimeo.com/27086612

Gwynn

David Germain said...

Fred's on crack an Betty & Wilma switched outfits. Were these official Hanna Barbera toys or from some small company overseas?

Mykal said...

John: I hate these photos of an aging Barney, once years of drink and sloth had taken their toll. The paparazzi can be so unkind.

Sven Hoek said...

"... hypnotizing his prey into a state of benumbed flaccid torpor.
then sheds his waxy membrane and spews out its hellish living contents. The gleaming poisonous mass engulphs his victim, stinging every nerve ending with tiny dancing pseudopods. IT consumes the liquified remains of what once had form, feelings and family."


YUP, that sounds like watching Shrek to me.

Ryan Storm said...

Only thing scarier than that is the Seth Macfarlane's reboot of the Flinstones

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW!!!!!! Man, you have a way with words!

Williaint said...

...That was my Second guess..?

Steven M. said...

It's staring into my SOUL!!!

Ross Irving said...

I have always enjoyed your B sci-fi/horror movie type descriptions of misshapen toys and other anomalies. So much, in fact, that I think you are the only person alive who could pull off one of those cheater mock travelogue cartoons and have it be enjoyed by the audience. Not to say you haven't done it before in Ren & Stimpy with "Untamed World", of course.