Friday, February 05, 2010

Slab's First Fist 18 - Finale - Help Raise an Orphaned Plant Fetus

Big John drops a brand new DB shirt on Bobby.

It fits like a second skin! Bobby has bully armor!
Always the gentleman, Big John offers the lad his glasses that got knocked off during the healthy young scuffle.
He gives the little fatty a pat on his brush cut. Bobby's proud chest swells with bacon fat. Donald assumes his fight poses for the photographers.
"You will never again have to take any crap from bullies when you wear your official Donald Bastard shirt!" promises McCarthy.
"...And all you bloggers out there who afraid to go outside in bright daylight! Now you can! Just buy your own Donald Bastard shirt and you too can be a badass!"
"What do we say, guys?"
"No more more crap!"

The heroic flower that selflessly tore his roots from the life-giving dirt and gave us this wonderful story twist gasps valiantly, "My job is done here"
As he drops to join the eternity of forgotten heroes, his young wife promptly loses her mind. "Who will raise my child?" she screams in anguish. Mr. Annelid comforts her but keeps his reproductive band at a decent distance (for now).

Help the young widow raise her unborn child in a decent lawn and never take any crap from teachers, bullies, forest rangers or any other scary figures of authority again!

Wear your own Donald Bastard shirt and FEAR NOTHING!

Donald Bastard


Kingfish said...

Love it, John.

How's this for a sequel: The worm impregnates the female flower, spawning an unholy abomination of nature- a half flower-half worm monstrosity. Donald Bastard fights this beast to the death, because he fears that which is different.

Anonymous said...

Although marketing through cartoons, certain kinds, can be annoying - I find the way you did it very affective.

Like I said, it's only annoying when someone provides needless filler or junk thus making the viewer get the vibe that they're about to be sold something.

But the story you made was engaging, funny, and well pieced together. I wasn't expecting the t-shirt pitch until pg. 17! Or 16... I forget...

Anyways, awesome story.

Plan on doing more with Bobby(?) and Donald Bastard?

PowerRangerYELLOW said...

I like the first 4 drawings the best.

I'm assuming they were either straight ahead drawings with more effort put forward than your usual rushed doodles or constructed drawings.

JohnK said...

I just went back and added thick lines on the first 4, with a brush pen that Kali gave me.

Thick lines impress more.

jens said...

Do you have plans to sell merchandise to europeans? I can't access the celebritymerch website

JohnK said...

Try another browser?

We've taken orders from all over the world, so I don't know what the problem is. Are you in Iran? Maybe the president thinks you will use Donald Bastard to undermine their authority.

RooniMan said...

"No More Crap!"

Thats my new motto.

Oliver_A said...

Try another browser?

It doesn't work here either, using both Firefox and Microsoft Internet Explorer.

Änd I daubt ze German gawenmänt häz äny intereszt in zensöring yahr katoonz!

...wäll, annlez zey ahr wohr katoonz! Ze rieson we did not get ze Looney Tunes Volume 6 or ze Disney: Behind The Frontlines DVD zet!


Ryan G. said...

Is this just an idea or are you going to make this happen?

JohnK said...

Make what happen?

Chip Butty said...

Talk about direct sponsorship

DarkRoar said...

John, when you did this did you know the full plot and then filled in the details or did you just make it up as you went?

Like did you know this was all going to end up as a t-shirt ad? :)

Zartok-35 said...

But is he a garbling bastard?

Aoife said...

Hi John, love your stuff!I'm an animation student in Ireland. I was wondering if it's at all possible to contact you for an email interview? I'm doing my dissertation in my final year and writing about you for my case study. If not i understand.
Thanks Aoife

JohnK said...

"John, when you did this did you know the full plot and then filled in the details or did you just make it up as you went?"

I knew this much:

I wanted to sell Donald Bastard t shirts.
I figured I should do a commercial that featured Donald doing his wacky things.
If people knew who he was and though he was funny, maybe they'd want to wear a shirt with him on it.

I had a general idea of the commercial: Slab 'N' Ernie go to Bobby's house to beat him up and he is saved by his favorite cartoon character, Donald Bastard.

From there I started drawing and made up the details as I went along.

I meant to draw it all in one breakfast, but kept having fun adding stuff so it took 18 breakfasts...= 36 slices of bacon total.

mike f. said...


BTW, I wear my D. Bastard shirt proudly - with bacon fat stains and all (from eating Eddie's health salad recipe).

Trevor Thompson said...

You should do a commercial for bacon.

K. Nacht said...

-Affirmative Commodity Aesthetics!!

I suppose I can get behind small business. But remember, I give you money just for being you.

C'mon people now, smile on your brother. Everybody get together and try and love one another, right now.

"Eyenot" Petrie said...

Oh, man. I'm just... pulling my eyeballs out to get one of those, damn, Donald Bastard shirts. I'm going to go buy a beer, and hide somewhere semi-public and drink it, and wonder, "damn... now how the hell am I going to get my hands on one of them shirts? Now that I don't got any eyeballs."

The Butcher said...

"I meant to draw it all in one breakfast, but kept having fun adding stuff so it took 18 breakfasts...= 36 slices of bacon total."

That's like 9 breakfasts for me.

HemlockMan said...

One thing is for sure:

You are not Bill Watterson.

MattyD said...


Anonymous said...

After thoroughly enjoying all 18 parts, I now going to what any sensible 21 year old should do....
Head off into the woods and wrestle a bear, that’s what!

By the way, would it be possible if you can go and check out the following and critique me?

Layout #1

Layout#2 (Thumb Nail)

Character Revamp

Have a good one!

From an aspiring animator/ cartoonist

georgeliquor said...

And thus the saga is concluded. In a shocking turn of events, John reveals the true sinister purpose of this entire webcomic: TO MARKET HIS T-SHIRTS.

XD I'd buy one, but my parents wouldn't be pleased about a shirt that says "bastard" on it.

Ryan G. said...

>>Make what happen?<<

Sorry,.. Are you actually going to make this cartoon?

Ken said...

Wait a minute! In the second drawing of the second part of Slab's First Fist Bobby is sitting at his computer wearing . . . a Donald Bastard shirt! Which is transformed into his traditional shirt at some point once he runs outside for his beating. Do I win a "No-Prize?" ;)

Zoran Taylor said...

@HemlockMan - I've actually read an interview with Watterson from 1986-ish where he clarifies his position on licensing: He doesn't think it's evil. He just doesn't believe it would work aesthetically with Calvin & Hobbes. All the things that are specific to them are dependent on the comic strip format to make sense. (See John's posts on Don Martin for some fantastic examples of this elsewhere.)

They also exist in a world that contains no specific references to any modern pop culture, save for maybe one or two slip-ups in really early strips, like Calvin telling Hobbes to "Go with the fuzzy, Don Johnson-type look".

One of the ways this works for the strip, as far as I see it, is that it refuses to give credit to specific brands for anything. "You've been watching athletic shoe ads again, haven't you?" is a lot funnier than "You've been watching Nike ads again, haven't you?" because the latter could feasibly be a rare tongue-in-cheek commercial for Nike. You only need to know two things: There's the subculture and then there's the shoes, which are all manufactured in the same place the same way. As much as the NAME "Nike" means something to customers, it still falls under the umbrella of the above. And oddly vague things are funnier than trendy name-dropping of specific things as a general rule.