Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Become a Real Man For Christmas at John K's Amazon Store!

KIRK DOUGLAS SHOWS YOU HOW TO BE A REAL MAN


John K's Amazon Store! - CLICK ME!

Kirk Douglas can teach you or your wimpy emo cartoonist boyfriend to be a real man.


If you buy Detective Story you will learn everything there is to know about what it is to be a man. Kirk shows you all the opposing forces in every man that pull, tug and tear us apart.


Men keep their ugliest emotions all wrapped up inside. The longer we repress them, the more they boil and try to burst out of our skin. When they finally do explode we say and do the ugliest meanest things. BUT a REAL man knows he did a bad thing when he does and he then experiences the manliest emotion of all....REMORSE.

Nobody has better remorse than Kirk.

Fellas, do something real rotten then experience the bliss of utter, sheer gut poisoning remorse. It's the purest most beautiful emotion we men have!

My main man Marc has started an Amazon store for you where I select all my favorite movies and sort them by type and actor.

The first genre is manly movies. The manliest actors are Kirk Douglas, Robert Ryan, Robert Mitchum and Burl Ives. (And my Dad. But he's not acting. He can kick your guts out with his remorse.)

You will see in the store that I picked the best of their movies. When you watch them you will not only feel the irresistible urge to get manlier yourself, you will also see the inspirations of many of my rawest most emotional cartoons.

Make someone manly this Christmas! Let's all have an aggravated, rugged and repressed Yuletide!



John K's Amazon Store! - CLICK ME!





51 comments:

miss 3awashi t said...

wow just by wathcing that video even i feel more manly! and i'm a girl!

Max Ward said...

Haha, this is a great idea!

Anonymous said...

Kirk Douglas ...His anger is delicious! He is the F--KIN MAN.
All these candy-ass pussycats of today should take a lesson from that generation!!! You can almost smell the OldSpice.

Anonymous said...

Yeah! I've seen Ren Hoek act like that. So that's where you get your ideas.

I just thought Ren was constipated all the time. Real men don't need fiber, until a woman starts beating a man's soul into a corner. Then he becomes the little lap dog.

With a little squeaky voice like the cartoon married men, "Yes, my pet." or " Yes, pumkin."

Just kidding ladies. Men have the same complex emotions that women do. It makes a great story when men finally crack, under what ever pressure they are put under.

Because, the stereotypical male is suppose to handle anything that life deals them. It is just more interesting to see a man be scared or become scared, with actions he did or actions done to him.

:: smo :: said...

i hereby award you the distinction of "best blog ever". this post put you over the top!

Kail said...

Hey, John K. I've been reading your blog since the summer and I must say your blog is probably the best of all my favorite artists (you post a lot more than Jhonen Vasquez, thats for sure). And I was just wondering if you were a fan of the anti-Disney movies of the 70's and 80's, like Fritz the Cat and Heavy Metal and all them. I just stumbled across a Canadian movie from the 80's and I wondered if you had seen it, it's called Rock & Rule and it is amazing. If you haven't already seen it I suggest you scoop up a copy of it, it's probably the best work of Nelvana's that I've seen (and I've seen just about every cartoon they've produced).

Thunderrobot(aka Chet) said...

hmm, id like to see a few Kirk Douglas films.

No film is better than modern times though...

Chaplin is the Beatles of Film making.

:: smo :: said...

and heck, you guys want to learn about composition? watch this movie! and load up on hitchcock! check out how in the first shot, the chick [eleanor parker i believe?] who's leading the conversation is in the foreground and douglas is in the back. he's thinking about what she's saying, visibly subdued by the framing, visibly distanced. Then he realizes it's time for the good ol remorse! next clip the Parker is still totally visible but she's framed entirely by douglas! he's totally in control at this point. She's visible but dwarfed by him, weak and at the bottom of the screen. His body is trying to push her out of the frame more or less which on top of showing his power is showing his current thoughts.

if you can find weekend pussy hunt online you can check out how john used some of these techniques in one of his cartoons.

there's a definite correlation between cinema and animation. don't just watch cartoons to learn how to make cartoons, watch movies too! movies like this where the mis en scen does more than just show people on the screen!

Jorge Garrido said...

Sweet! I want to buy all of these on DVD!!

John and Marc, one complaint, the reviews are all by morons (especially the first one for Straight Outta Lynwood). Is there a way to delete them from your store so only yours are left?

Peter said...

good movies! For Mitchum I've only seen Night of the Hunter. It was sort of remade recently by David Gordon Green in his movie called Undertow. It was interesting but it didn't have the weird suspense that Mitchum carried with him. I'll check out Cape Fear too.

Anonymous said...

Ah, the good ol' days -- when men were wretched, tormented souls that stuffed their feelings, drank whiskey instead of beer, and never shed a tear.

DougF said...

This is off topic from this post but I feel I must talk about it.

I have heard a lot of complaints about the video for "Close but no Cigar" on "Weird Al" Yankovics new album being much to explicit, which of course makes the song and video that much more kick ass!

The naked chicks may have been what people were offended by, but come on people, it's only a cartoon!

Why are people so afraid of there own sexuality? Maybe the thought of being turned on by a cartoon character makes them feel a little perverted inside.

That video was personally one of my favorite music video's you have done. and if people didn't like it then they need to watch a few of your recommenced movies, maybe that will toughen 'em up!

NARTHAX said...

Imagine what effect watching Kirk in "Detective Story" will have on bull dykes.

WIL said...

Kirk Douglas is my bitch... :)

Anonymous said...

*swoons* I just can't handle the manly intensity!


My brother studies computer game design at university, and one of the classes he takes is animation. During dinner he was complaining that he had an exam today and the questions were 'stupid'.

He said, "One question was like 'What is this guy famous for creating- a) Ren and Stimpy b) Beavis and Butthead or c) {something else}.' How was I supposed to know that!" I asked him if the name was John Kricfalusi and he replied "Yeah, something like that. My professor is obsessed with him. Is it b) then? 'Cause I put b)."

I wanted to strangle him! It's enough already that he's a big Family Guy fan. I'm sending him the link to your blog in the hope that he'll learn something, but to be honest he sounds like too much of a lost cause :(

dieselcreek said...

I've always assumed Ren had the body and facial expressions of Kirk D and the slow, calculating close-up acting of Peter Lorre. Add some of the oddest loonie-rant dialogues written and bang, zoom, straight to high-lair-i-tee.

I'm sure there are others in Ren- a bit of Shatner posing, etc.

Dig it.


.

Sean Worsham said...

I am already man incarnate, there is hardly any room for improvement for me. I'll get these movies for the wimps I know out there though and for my own enjoyment bwhahahahahahahahah!

Ryan G. said...

Ahhh... Powdered toast man.

Anonymous said...

hey John, if you like Kirk Douglas, Check him out in "Lonely are the Brave" (one of HIS personal Favorites), and "lust for life". Also Thanks for introducing me to Raymond Scott. I am now a rabid fan of his music.

Dan Century said...

You should add some of the WB and HB DVDs you've referenced as well.

Craig D said...

Gotta love the lady's reactions to Kirk's emoting!

Anonymous said...

Speaking of manly men, when are they releasing the ripping friends full season on DVD?

PCUnfunny said...

I almost drowned in the manliness John ! Such raw emotion. Oh and have you heard Maurice La Marche's impression of Kirk Douglas ? It's quite good.

Brian "My Fault" Nicolucci said...

That's great but not having Burt Lancaster on that list makes me question your manliness John.

Sean Worsham said...

>Real men don't need fiber, until a >woman starts beating a man's soul >into a corner.

ANTHONY! You're full of shit!!! Y'know men love the smell of their own farts at least, so the more fiber the better!!! :)

-Sean

queefy said...

My sister grew a penis when I showed her this clip.

boob said...

I knew Kirk Douglas was an inspiration for you, but having never seen Detecive Story I never woulda guessed how much was injected into Ren.

The clenched teetch, inflections in the voice, veins in the hands, wrinkles all over the face, quivering lips, I think I even remember Ren delivering lines facing away from the camera.

This is pretty eye opening. Thanks for the post!

RoboTaeKwon-Z said...

Greatest dialogue scene ever written. Tarantino WISHES he could write like this.
In the hands of a lesser actor though, it would have been lost.
Douglas sells it. He is the man.

Hryma said...

"With these hands I could end it all"!!!
Hey John I used my hands to paint a picture in the style of Art, it's on my blog, when I get another day off I'll paint some cute critters on it and post that.

Anonymous said...

Hey John, sometimes you remind me of Ted Nugent

Those are really cool movies(the movies on your list that I've seen anyways), alot of them are new to me though...
I'll have to check out the others, thanks for sharing!

-Bob

Desiree said...

Wow, this guy has some Ren! The internal dilemas are just tearing him up!
Hey John, I was wondering if you maybe have some helpful pointers or advice for newcomers to the animation freelancing industry.
ALso, is there anyway I could get you to criticize my work? I need to know how to get better. Hopefully see you in a few years!

Des

The Butcher said...

"The manliest actors are Kirk Douglas, Robert Ryan, Robert Mitchum and Burl Ives."

What about Gregory Peck?

Anonymous said...

Funnily enough, a teacher friend of mine asked me just last night "why do the boys always cry when you get them into trouble".
And i said "Coz guys feel remorse."
So true.
I'm growing a beard at the moment. I thought it was to emulate the manlyness of Chuck Norris.
I realise now that its just a sub-conscious way of hiding the fact that i lack the manly cleft chin of 'The Douglas'.

Brandon said...

You don't have any Burl Ives movies in your Amazon store yet.

Freckled Derelict said...

Hooray I have all these movies.
I especially love night of the hunter, out of the past and young man with a horn.
Brando's pretty good to at being an angry manly man in streetcar named desire and on the water front.

Crumpled Up John! said...

I just made a particularly manly post regarding 'Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs.' Read if you have the time, and tell me what I missed if you have more time.

Anonymous said...

Robert Mitchum was more of a manly man than Kirk Douglas could ever hope to be.

Jonathan C. Hohensee said...

Bullshit. If you want to know what a REAL man is like, watch Pootie Tang.

Eddie Fitzgerald said...

WOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!! I've been waiting for a post like this! Those stills combined with the video clip really drive your argument home! Many thanks and thanks also to the guy who uploaded the clip!

Citizen Drummond said...

Thank you for promoting manliness in a world where feminist professors tell me to cut my balls off and repent.

R said...

The Set Up is great and all, but what, no Ace In The Hole?

Anonymous said...

I'M SPARTACUS!!!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Sean. Unfortantlly know it. That's why my doctor says my colon has to come out.

Shitbitch said...

John, what do you think of today's stand-up comedians, such as Norm MacDonald?

Rodrigo said...

Wow, that's totally Mr. Horse from the Rubber Nipple Salesmen episode. Haha!

Anonymous said...

I like Lee Marvin. In "The Wild One," you keep waiting for him to pick Marlon Brando up and crack him one-fisted like a walnut.

The Duke was pretty tough in real life. Once he punched a guy through a door. And he also stormed down to Frank Sinatra's hotel room, told the Chairman to knock off the racket.

"Nobody talks to Mr. Sinatra like that," a bodyguard snarled.

The Duke turned as if he were about to leave, then backhanded the guy across the face, knocking him to the floor. Then the Duke picked up a chair and smashed it over the guy, knocking him out completely.

End of party.

Sean Connery once took a gun out of Johnny Stompanato's hand. The mafia cat was waving it under Connery's nose and threatening to kill him for messing with Lana Turner.

Manly men, doing manly things to other men.

Wait... that was a sentence too much.

ubergrafik said...

Hey John, do you look at old posts? Just wondering, if we have comments for posts from AGES ago, where is it best to post them so you'll see them?

Jonathan C. Hohensee said...

One thing I've found weird about John Wayne is why such a tough guy would go into acting. Stereotypically, stuff such as "self expression" and creative fulfillment doesn't seem to be that manly

Anonymous said...

Kirk is pretty awesome in 'ace in the hole'. Amazing remorse in that film. Also, Ralph Meeker is a pretty great manly man. Especially in films like 'kiss me deadly'. Nothing like seeking Meeker beat the shit out of a cock-eyed thug.

Anonymous said...

Robert Ryan also does the manly remorse thing to great effect in a supporting role in "The Wild Bunch".

Considering that they were produced roughly concurrently, it's funny how similar the main characters in "Detective Story" and "On Dangerous Ground" are to each other, but Douglas and Ryan are both great in their own manly ways. "On Dangerous Ground" was released much later due to one of the protracted tinkering efforts for which Howard Hughes was infamous at RKO in the 50s.

For modern movie actors, the only one who seems to be able to pull off old school "manly remorse" worth a damn is Gabriel Byrne, but he rarely gets the opportunity. When he does (e.g. "Miller's Crossing") he hits it out of the park.

Brandon (different one) said...

Yes, this is what I was looking for.