Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Wally Man 4 - Wally's Girlfriend

Wally, like all men, needs love.

Petunia Man

Petunia is Wally’s girlfriend.
She is bald too except for pigtails on her butt.
She is very temperamental.
One minute she likes Wally and the next he’s done something wrong or offensive but he never knows what he did.
She makes him jump through hoops to please her.
She loves animals and demands that any love of hers better be kind to dumb animals.
Wally has to pretend he likes animals when she’s around. Billy Chicken takes advantage of this by helping himself to Wally’s food, hospitality and love.

Wally’s allergies
Wally is allergic to fur, feathers, beaks, combs and wattles.

Whenever he is near animals he sneezes, breaks out in hives and has asthma attacks. He has a big inhaler that he breathes into to rid his lungs of dander.

Petunia’s Love Test
Wally meets Petunia for the first time and falls in love.
She makes him prove himself before she accepts his love.
He has to prove that he is:

Billy Chicken is heckling Wally one morning and driving Wally crazy. (Need heckling jokes)
Vision of Beauty
All of a sudden Wally is distracted by a lovely vision of smoothness: Petunia Man.
Love takes: what are they?
Wally loses interest in Billy and goes to meet Petunia. He polishes first.

...Loves Animals
Petunia tells him: ”My man has to be sensitive. He must love all God’s creatures and be kindly and share his fortune with them.

Wally tells Petunia,”Oh I wove dumb animalth! I wove them even more than wiches or fame!”
Billy Chicken overhears Wally’s lie and calls him on it. He rubs around his legs and purrs and helps himself to all of Wally’s material possessions:


Wally gets Asthma attacks
Every time Wally does anything with Billy, he starts gasping for air and coughing up feathers.
He keeps pulling out a giant inhaler and taking puffs from it in-between trying to pretend to indulge Billy and wanting to hit him.

Billy Misses His Litter Box
Petunia notices something stinky and thinks Wally farted.
Wally is embarrassed.
Petunia says, “That’s a very rude thing to do on our first date Wally Man!” I like to get to know a man first, before I inhale his most private secrets.
Then Wally realizes what happened: Billy crapped on the potato chips.
This is Wally’s chance to discipline his pet!

“For shame you wittle thicken! Did you cwap on the potato chips? Did you?”
Wally’s menacing shadow creeps over Billy as Billy backs against the wall.

Petunia Catches Wally punishing Billy
Wally pushes Billy’s beak towards his dirty deed and spanks his bottom.
Petunia freaks out!
“Wally Man! Are you being cruel to that poor ignorant beast? He’s only following his nature! How dare you! You apologize to your special friend.”
Wally reluctantly apologizes while holding Billy’s beak tightly and pinching him hard.

Humane Society
A huge burly thug from the humane society comes and beats up Wally and brands him an abuser, then leaves.
Then Petunia sees the brand and gets all lovey-dovey, “I love a man with a tattoo”.

So now Petunia is ready for romance. She says, “”Well aren’t you gonna kiss me you great big hunk of shiny skin, you?”
Wally takes a huge puff from his asthma inhaler.
Just as he close his eyes and puckers up, Billy plucks a couple feathers and stuffs them up Wally’s nose.

He kisses Petunia. She squeezes him hard.
We see Wally’s nose begin to twitch. He fights it! His eyes start watering.
Billy scratches his comb and chicken dander falls into Wally’s eyes.
The eyes turn red and swell up.
Hives break out all over Wally.

They stop kissing and Petunia opens her eyes softly to gaze at Wally’s twitching face.
She says, “That’s the best kiss I eever…”
“Aaaaathchoooooo!!!” Wally sneezes into her face.
“Well I never!!” says Petunia (covered in slime) who slaps Wally’s face and leaves in a huff. “You’ll never be my boyfriend, you slovenly brute!”

Wally chases Billy
Chasing and puffing on his inhaler as they run off into the distance.
The End