Monday, April 10, 2006

George Liquor Stories 4 - Heaven and more dirty tales

Well I was a little nervous to post the last stories, seeing as how they dealt with our basest needs- sex and religion, but from all the positive comments, I can see that you're nothing but a bunch of heathens, so here's a couple more tales to sate your pagan lusts.





Action VS God
George Liquor is a God-fearing widower who is saving himself for Heaven. He is totally devoted to his deceased wife Mabel, whose rear end is stuffed and mounted on the wall in his trophy room.

Merle (Sody’s big sister), A vixenish and buxom divorcee from down the street, has the hots for George and tries to seduce him in his own house of purity.
She is gorgeous and extremely tempting, so for the whole cartoon she tries to get him to cheat on his dead wife.
He has to frantically resist his natural urges and it gets harder and harder to do so.
He eventually tears pages out of the bible and sticks them on top of his erogenous zones as Merle corners him against a romantic bear skin wall rug.
George is sweating like mad and it looks like it’s over.

Cut to Heaven:
God is in His office, planning the next universe he will create. He’s deciding on how many billions of galaxies to create from nothing, and which planets will have life, and every exact countless combination of amino acids it will take to create zillions of new life forms to populate his universe, when something more important than all that comes up.

SOMEONE HAS A BONER.

Nothing makes God more furious than when the equipment he designed for man functions.
God’s helper tells him George Liquor is on the phone. God looks down at his phone and sure enough, George’s button is flashing. He picks up and George begs him to save his soul and destroy the accursed symbol of his lust.

God strikes George dead and in his dying gasp he sticks his tongue out at a frustrated Merle.
“I wiiiin!!” gasps George as he succumbs to infinity.


Slumber Party



George Liquor is concerned about the trouble his teenage niece could get into out on the streets at night so he decides to host slumber parties for Janie and her friends. This could be done as a series. Each episode could feature a different activity:

Truth Or Dare:
The girls decide to play truth or dare. They talk about the boys they like. One says she loves Justin Timberloaf. Another loves Coleman from down the street. Judy says, “You know who I think is hot? Your Uncle Georgie!”

“Ewww!” says Janie, whose Uncle is hosting the party for the girls to keep them off the streets and out of trouble.
So they dare Judy to kiss Uncle Georgie and she is scared but also eager to steal some cheap love.
Cut to George asleep in his room, with a solid woodie sticking up under the blanket. It looks like he is having an erotic dream, but we zoom in on his dream cloud to see him out in the woods naked chainsawing trees down and cackling hideously.

The door starts to creep open, casting a sliver of light into the room.
The girls peer their frightened little eyes into the scene. Judy is most frightened. She tries to turn back, but the other girls push her into the room with a pool cue.
She slides in fast and almost falls over onto George. She catches herself and whips around whispering angrily “Cut it out you bitches!”
She looks at George sleeping and gets all doe-eyed. “He’s so manly! Look at his dream!” she mutters.

She summons up her nerve and leans down to plant a sweet kiss on his heaving stubbly lips.
This happens just as in the dream George cuts through a huge tree and the tree crashes down, out of the dream balloon and onto his manhood, crushing it into its unaroused state.
Awake now, he sees his lips kissing Judy’s and jumps up screaming: “Bespoiled by a virgin!!!”
George thinks they are all going to go to Hell unless they do something fast, so he turns the party into a penance party and saves everyone’s souls.

Pajama Swap
The girls decide to try on each other’s pajamas.
What else do I need to say?

100 comments:

Kristen McCabe said...

Justin Timberloaf..... Ha!!

Action VS God sounds hilarious! My favorite part is when George tears pages out of the bible and sticks them on top of his erogenous zones. haaaa!

Ohjeepers said...

Truth or Dare!!!

Jason_Chatfield said...

"Nothing makes God more furious than when the equipment he designed for man functions."

I'm sure I've heard this passage before... it's so profound.

John - I'm laughing out loud at these episode synopsees - GET EM MADE!! Seriously - anybody reading this who can possibly make this happen - Bring the Goddamn George Liquor Show to us NOW!!

Count Screwloose said...

Liquor, Schmiquor! I just saw a July 18 release date for the Lost Episodes DVD.

Now I can turn off this damned computer.

RG

nightwing said...

which one is janie...i vote #1 if you havnt decided yet...or is that her in the pic below...i still vote #1

C. A. M. Thompson said...

ok action vs. god is the best story yet. Make George Liquor a series dammit!

David Germain said...

For the last story, instead of a penance party, I think George should just hose down the girls in order to "cool off their hormones". But, of course, all this does is make their pajamas more see-through and thusly George feels an extreme amount of arousal and the guilt for being arounsed all at once.

I'd certainly enjoy that.

The rest of the stories are great though. Don't change a thing. :)

The Butcher said...

Yeegads, you guys are brilliant! Cartoons for the horny people! Bravo!

I've always liked in Ren and Stimpy how you could set the premise for a group of cartoons with the same intro (space episodes, Stimpy's storybook). They were like spin-offs within the original show. I find that very appealing for some reason.

Have you ever thought of putting Ren and Stimpy back in the same universe as George, Jimmy, Sody, Cigarettes, etc? Or would that cause problems selling these show ideas to other networks who are not owned by Viacom because the characters Ren and Stimpy are owned by Paramount? I would love to see a show where all your greatest creations are intertwined. Maybe ressurect Your Gang? Anyways, I hope that wouldn't be entirely ruled-out.

Tyko said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Tyko said...

Brilliant.

David said...

I would definately love to see Pajama Swap!

Chris said...

Man, if TV were this good, I think I'd pay for cable.

Evan said...

Its such a shame that South Park and Family Guy are on tv, and both of them have become downright unfunny.

Meanwhile here sits John with a wealth of hilarious ideas.

Is there no justice!?!

PS- I know it was said already but, "Justin Timberloaf" is hilarious.

cartooncrank said...

Surely there must already be a www.pajamaswap.com website!

Here's a nerdy idea: George vs The Internet! Well, someone's gotta install those parental controls for li'l Jimmy...

Robert Hume said...

Brilliant! AAAAAAHHHHH Nothing better than sac religious humor protrayed by horney Spumco created cartoons! It's like Sunday all over again! lol

Nico said...

aaaaaaggghhhhhh
GET THESE ON TELEVISION.

jake said...

These are hillarious ideas, and you're a great artist, John! Why don't you move to Denmark and get funded by the danes? They're so liberal that they even make humorous entertainment out of beating up kids!

R2K said...

Your women are always very sexy :)

Get these snakes off my plane

Craig D said...

jake:

The Danes call it "Quality!"

Anonymous said...

Pretty bland stuff, especially the last part, which is basically the storyline for countless boring xxx animes. I don't see how one could make those interesting.

Anonymous said...

Please. Animate. These. Now!!!

For the record, I would pay for a George Liquor Program DVD. I think straight to DVD is the way to go for this project, John.


- Eric A.

makinita said...

yeah man I would pay GOOD MONEY FOR a George Liquor Program DVD. I think straight to DVD is the way to go
I love the stories dooooooo it man !!!!

Alleycat said...

I would buy DVDs of this show in a heartbeat!

Desiree said...

AHAHAHAH!!! The girls crashing at George's is Really FUnnY!!! I also LOVE the pJ swap idea. Been there done that: entertaining stuff :D!

Kevin said...

I hope someone out there is noticing how enthusiastic people are about these cartoons- someone with lots of money and some balls.

How do all those crappy CN shows get made instead? all those new shows suck-ass and everyone knows it.

give george liquor a home, goddamnit!

Kevin said...

is there a chance of getting some new R+S down the line if the lost episodes do well?

Kevin Langley said...

A pennance party! That's hilarious. I think this is the funniest story yet. The world needs George Liquor.

Clarke (Csnyde) said...

John, these latest storylines make me giggle and my insides are now all twisted up & warped.

Thanks to you and your filthy creative mind I think I need to go and get my soul dry-cleaned yet again.

When I am purified anew later tonight I will pray to Jesus for you and ask him to find you backing for a GL cartoon, since it is now obvious that he is the most wholesome & God-fearing cartoon character ever created.

P.C. Unfunny said...

Shows like "Totally spies","Robot Chicken",and "The O'Reilly Factor" are on the air and this isn't ????? By the way,George Liquor's deceased wife's ass stuffed and put on a mantle, that's fuckin' genius.

Alicia said...

Not to sound totally dumb, but why wouldn't Spike TV help to fund these cartoons? They carried ACP and promoted the crap out of it. These cartoons sound like they would be a total hit on that station and you wouldn't have to worry about offending the kiddies.

If that's not an option, how costly is it to do a direct to dvd release? Again, not to sound like a total dummy but what if you were to do like a tour thing? Talk at colleges or other venues and then have a meet & greet. Charge to get in and then if people want a caricature or something, ask a few bucks for that? I could ad up pretty quickly. Throw in some of your spiffy t-shirts and you could be pulling in some dough!

Gabriel said...

For how long have you been developing these ideas? Are you a workaholic, John? How can you do so much stuff?

Heather_Chavez said...

Its fun to be a heathen!!! Heathens rule

glamaFez said...

These are the funniest stories yet on this blog, IMHO. Thanks John!

Joel Bryan said...

Hey! Don't make fun of "Totally Spies!"

No, I'm kidding- that show sucks!

These shows should definitely be in its place. Well, not in its place because the demographics are different, but these should be on the air and that should be off.

Hey, I especially love the slumber party as a continued series thing. Maybe as short-shorts or something, or bumpers. You know, running all through the show.

A George Liquor/Jimmy/Sody story, a slumber party bumper/short... another GL/J/S story. Another slumber party thing to end the show or some damn thing or other like that. You know- sort of to let us get to know these girls more intimately.

And in the case of having a great joke that doesn't fit into a story or an idea that's too funny not to animate but maybe doesn't lend itself to a full-fledged cartoon.

Whatever, I'm just a fan/potential viewer. What do I know? It's idiots like me who keep "American Idol" and "Hope and Faith" on the air.

Wicks for Candlesticks said...

What a HOOT HOOT!

Anonymous said...

speaking of xxx anime, why not get the Japanese to pay you to make these. They love that.

S.G.A said...

Not only is this stuff make for great catoons, if you look at it, It would also be the funniest comedy show around.
Honestly look at it whats out there now, nothing really......
Only cops shows and video camera shows.
Hell, This stuff still works as live action.
This is truly funny human nature stuff!

S.G.A said...

In a world where money is really all that moneys, I don't get why they don't make these cartoons .
What the Hell are these market research guys doing for their paychecks?
what the hell are people telling them they want to see?
More crime drama and fake video camera shows?
I think someone wants America dumbened and america has obliged kindly...


.... dumbened... oh no ... is that a word?

Mitch K said...

MAN, those are so friggin' hilarious! I was laughing out loud the whole time. I want to SEE these.

Anonymous said...

I go for the hosing down scenario.
I feel so filthy when I look at your drawings. I can't believe your cartoon chix are so sexy.
What is wrong with me?

Charlie J. said...

This would be the greatest show of the decade if it got made. Pure Genius!

E. Adam Thomas said...

I'm really liking this, and having been a R&S fan, I can already see some of this in my head playing out.
I do like the hose-down idea mentioned earlier (if only as an excuse to see some soggy cartoon nips), but if anything, it should lead to the pennance party, not replace it.
The more I think about it, the more I am tempted to suggest to forget about [as] and try pitching it to HBO or Showtime. Then you don't have to blur out the important stuff. Then again, you may have already thought of that, so I'll shut up, now :)

jorge garrido said...

The first one made me grind my teeth, especially when he tears up The Bible but the stories were still quite funny. But I guess that's the point of satire, isn't it. To get people out of their comfort zones. Me, I prefer stories about animals trying to kill each other with hammers and heavy machinery.

Anonymous said...

john....my god....so funny....my god...can't breathe...laughing to hard.....................

Kenneth Figuerola said...

Fantastic !!

Action Vs God is the best !!

kp said...

I love these! It would be a sin not to get these fine stories out to the people! Can I get an "amen"? XD

Anonymous said...

How big will his boner be?

Josh "Just What the Doctor Ordered" Heisie said...

Cripes, those are hilarious! I like the first one best...I can imagine it perfectly...George trying to be decent whilst some sexpot tries to defile his good name. I also like the fact that George actually dies.

The funniest thing of anything on this entire blog is "but we zoom in on his dream cloud to see him out in the woods naked chainsawing trees down and cackling hideously."

That has to be the most ridiculously manly thing anyone could do...

PS: Are you ever going to show us a picture of Mabel?!?

BrianB said...

Who's designs are all these girls?

JohnK said...

>>Who's designs are all these girls?

mostly Katie's

Merle and Sody are mine

jorge garrido said...

^I'm gonna recruit some more forumers, old bean! We won't let you down!

If you did trivia questions or something like that you might be able to get more comments. Like if you asked somthing relating to cartooning, either a skill testing question or general knowledge question that everybody that read it would try to answer.

>>>The funniest thing of anything on this entire blog is "but we zoom in on his dream cloud to see him out in the woods naked chainsawing trees down and cackling hideously."

HAHA! Yeah I cracked up! That reminded me of Maddox and how manly he is.

JOHN K, I'M TELLING YOU, read MADDOX! His rants are awesome! He's said he's a fan of your work. He's said Ren & Stimpy is awesome before and he used your George Liquor "Don't call me a #W$%$& Democrat!" button in the past. He gets millions of hits! Exchange links with him and you'll see probably a surge in hits. He's writing a book called The Alphabet of Manliness that's #6 on the amazon pre-order list from word of mouth!

www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net <---- You're outlook will CHANGE. Or you'll be underwhelmed. Either is possible.

Big Dog said...

Hell yeah, I want to see this stuff, I would love, love, love to get these on DVD, TV, whatever, but put them on DVD as well.

Brian Romero said...

Someone please... give John a bazillion dollars so I can have good cartoons too watch that were made in my lifetime!

Sketch said...

Whoa, interesting stories.

S.G.A said...

Didn't Tex do that whole porky cartoon by himself, where porky goes all over the studio.... I also remember reading about Tex sitting at the board so long that they had to call an ambulence and put a cathedar in his crank.
Maybe sometimes if you want something to exist , you just have to knock yourself out and find freinds who will work for free for the greater good. to heck with the money bags, make one of those cartoons with out studio backing, and put it out there!!!!

Anonymous said...

Jeez, I never suspected Merle of being Sody's big sister! She has light skin and red hair when Sody has dark skin and black/dark hair.

Anonymous said...

You mean "You Ought to be in Pictures" where Porky interacts with Leon S. & Mike Maltese? I believe that was a Freling.
Chris

PS great Liquor cartoons John, I sure hope to see 'em someday!

Anonymous said...

These story ideas are great! They have a lot of layers to them, and they're funny as hell.

I DEMAND TO SEE THESE ON TV NOW. AUGHHHHHHHH.


-Jordan
www.timwarnermovie.com

Pedro Vargas said...

Hey, John! I love George and I love your stories. You always find a way to make George's situations fun and interesting, but mostly fun! I'll spread the word so my friends can post here too.

Pedro

Kevin Langley said...

To any potential investors:

These would without a doubt be the best cartoons made in years. There's no way you won't make money. A DVD would be a hit.

P.C. Unfunny said...

Hey John, I found some Tex Avery model sheets at this blog. They include "Dumb Hounded" and "The cat who hated people"

http://klangley.blogspot.com/

P.C. Unfunny said...

"To any potential investors:

These would without a doubt be the best cartoons made in years. There's no way you won't make money. A DVD would be a hit."


Wow,I didn't even notice you were here before I posted that link.

Ted said...

A rough from NBF of the girls from the pajama party (at least the girls implied to be at it by the post's set up) at the RnS APC section of
http://tag.rubberslug.com
(or just click on my name at the top of this post)

gloriouskyle said...

How long have you been trying to get this show off the ground? Are these all character designs specifically for the Program, or just concepts?

These outlines were a very fun read, I can practically hear George barking his lines already! If the kids seem to eat Adult Swim's original programming and merchandise with a fork and spoon- imagine how that audience would react to a show that's actually enjoyable...

andrea said...

These are great! I love the god one.

Anonymous said...

John K.

The ad for the Lost Episodes DVD was SO FREAKIN AWSOME! The quality in the episodes look beautifal. It said it has all the episodes from APC that aired on SPIKE TV including 5 unaired episodes and kick ass extras. I thought only 3 episodes dident air. was there 2 more episodes besides Naked Beach Frenzy, Altruist and Stimpys Pregnt?

Jesse

Anonymous said...

I love the idea of god's office with a direct line to george. Perhaps you could see scattered papers on his desk about Armageddon for earth.

Anonymous said...

"Its such a shame that South Park and Family Guy are on tv, and both of them have become downright unfunny."

Did you see the latest South Park that poked fun at Family Guy? Hilarious.

lastangelman said...

John K, I have no idea why Howard Stern and all his multi-millions isn't banging down your doors and putting your work on pay per view ON DEMAND (maybe he's little pre-occupied, I don't know) but this stuff is dynamite ! All these George Liquor stories sound tremendous. And I love Sody Pop's divorcee sister (the buxom curvy redhead in the leotard, right?) This stuff is the adult cartoons people should be watching now - in the theaters before the R rated feature starts!

jackenape said...

69 COMMENTS! Oh, hell, I just ruined that didn't I.

Giulio said...

These stories look very funny but I doubt that any "bigshot producer" will ever give his money and his ok to produce this stuff...it is just too funny to be understood by them!!

lastangelman said...

Going off topic, sorry.
On MOTLOS there's been a wee bit of discussion about Mike Judge's animation (mainly King Of The Hill), which of course isn't really cartoony but just mere animated drawings. Which makes me think about one of Mike's very earliest cartoon, "Frog Baseball". An early Beavis and Butthead torture and kill a live frog. Is "Ren Gets Help" sort of a response to Mike's "Frog Baseball" and Beavis and Butthead? Juxtaposing the two cartoons, "Ren Gets Help" seems to be a complete refutation of B&B type animation style and story.

chia said...

Why go through the hassel of DVD? Put these shows on the net! Maybe the internets weren't ready for them back in the spumco.com days, but look at the success of channel101.com and the like. There's an audience now and the studios are taking notice. Hell, this blog has an audience. Put it out there!

Duck Dodgers said...

John,

my friend mmm...donuts made two terrific posts on my blog, concerning a wonderful Rod Scribner-animated scene right from Clampett's own " Tortoise Wins by a Hare".

If you want to link to them, or just watch them, go on my blog.

Same for you, fellow John K- fans!

Anonymous said...

Hey John,

Are the George Liquor stories supposed to be very dialouge driven or do you just not write the visual humor in the stories that would be in the cartoon.

Anonymous said...

south park comes off looking like the bitter asshole in saying that they're so much better in family guy. because family guy jokes are "interchangable to the plot?" and whatever other reasons they had.

theyre just pissed that more people watch family guy. in fact they're pissed off at everything and everyone

David Germain said...

John K. interview with Friz

Hey, everyone, I managed to get a piece of that interview with John and Friz onto my blog. Apparently, Eddie Fitzgerald was there too. Click the above link to check it out. :)

Chloe Cumming said...

Hmm yes, I empathise with the redhead, her ample woman curves provide a more realistic ideal of femininity for we fully grown womenfolk to aspire to than Sody’s, I feel.

I also like the design of the black girl. Again it seems to be a big booby empathy comfort thing.

George is quite a sweet character really. It makes me think you need a good clear run with these characters to fully explore his nuanced subtleties.

P.C. Unfunny said...

s"outh park comes off looking like the bitter asshole in saying that they're so much better in family guy. because family guy jokes are "interchangable to the plot?" and whatever other reasons they had."

Which are perfectly understandable reasons, Family Guy is nothing but random references to pop culture. South Park actually has original jokes, who can't forget "Respect my Athoritah !" or "Oh my God, they killed kenny !" To be honest,I thought FG was funny for the the first few seasons,now it's nothing but a string of pop culture refrences from the 1980's.

"theyre just pissed that more people watch family guy."

Of course more people whould be watching FG,it's a primetime network television show. You can't compare FG's ratings to a late night cable TV show,that is a huge difference. South park is not pissed off because Family Guy gtes more ratings, it's because people think that there humor is identical and it isn't.



"in fact they're pissed off at everything and everyone"

There show is about satire,duh.

Anonymous said...

"...I never suspected Merle of being Sody's big sister! She has light skin and red hair when Sody has dark skin and black/dark hair"

Sody has a suntan.

Redheads can't suntun very well normally.

JohnK said...

>>Hey John,

Are the George Liquor stories supposed to be very dialouge driven or do you just not write the visual humor in the stories that would be in the cartoon.<<

Everything and anything is possible in a spumco cartoon.

The tree in George's dream balloon falling and crushing his manhood is not visual?

Covering his zones with pages from the bible?

There are lots of visual references in the premises, but of course we draw many more when we do the storyboards.

It's not appropriate to "write" every visual nuance, even if you are an artist.

When you have a pencil in your hand, it summons the visual part of your brain that a keyboard doesn't have full access to.

mark said...

these George Liquor stories sound awesome.

Kriztoffer Swank said...

I'm liking these story ideas. I'd love to see a direct-to-DVD George Liquor show, or movie, or just more Flash cartoons. Anything!

Kriztoffer Swank said...

Oh yeah, and if it's DVDs you put out, I'll gladly buy 'em, show 'em to my friends, and make them buy copies too!

I'll take anything Spumco/John K.-made.

Kriztoffer Swank said...

AND, just for posting here, I've created an account. Sorry to spam (three messages in a row). Ha!

jorge garrido said...

>>>Hey, everyone, I managed to get a piece of that interview with John and Friz onto my blog. Apparently, Eddie Fitzgerald was there too. Click the above link to check it out. :)

Nice! Thanks, David!

jorge garrido said...

^Hey wait a second! You tricked me!

Eric C. said...

John,

In your work.

What is your favorite type of cartoon to make ?

_Eric

C. A. M. Thompson said...

IMO Ren Seeks Help was just making the point that a lot of crappy human beings and psychos used to torture small animals. It takes a special kind of person to think killing something smaller than you is fun, and I think all of us knew idiot kids who did it. I think President Bush killed frogs when he was a kid, too.

I actually think Mike Judge's cartoons are very cool because he did them out of his garage basically. South Park is kind of similar in that regard. Problem is the system stifles and actively discourages creativity and so every episode can look the same. Family Guy is sad because Seth MacFarlane can actually draw a lot better than Family Guy but probably some executive told him to make it look more like The Simpsons.

C. A. M. Thompson said...

Anyway, South Park, King of the Hill, The Simpsons and Family Guy are all designed so they don't evolve, because executives are worried that the artists will change stuff and people won't watch it anymore. This is retarded thinking because Chuck Jones evolved and people didn't stop watching Bugs Bunny.

Anyway, if you look at John K. he's always improving the way his cartoons look. Ren & Stimpy got better with every episode until John K. left, and it itself was a huge step up from Bakshi's New Mighty Mouse. Only guy on TV other than John K. who has evolved and improved is Genndy Tartakovsky, if you look at Dexter to Powerpuff Girls to Samurai Jack. And there's even progression if you look at individual episodes of those shows.

P.C. Unfunny said...

"Only guy on TV other than John K. who has evolved and improved is Genndy Tartakovsky, if you look at Dexter to Powerpuff Girls to Samurai Jack."

How about Bruce Timm.

C. A. M. Thompson said...

Bruce Timm...maybe. I never watched a lot of his cartoons but I thought Batman Beyond was really cool looking.

P.C. Unfunny said...

"Bruce Timm...maybe. I never watched a lot of his cartoons but I thought Batman Beyond was really cool looking."

Compare Batman:The Animated Series to Justice League Unlimited, his style clearly evolved.

Anonymous said...

John,

I need this show to be on TV before I die. Something NEEDS to be done so someone will buy it. I will do anything, ANYTHING!

Max Ward

Culito said...

Jesus Christ!!

I got a little cartoon woodie of my own!

Anonymous said...

John your work is excellent! I need to see these on dvd or on tv, I don't care I need to see these!

bogthing said...

Oh yes, these need to be made! My ultimate fantasy would be to have them somehow jammed on "Christian" programming, but just having them done, they'll somehow find their way into the right hands...

broKeNbot said...

Excellent stories! I can't wait! We need to shake up the system...Bring'em on!

NateBear said...

ha i forgot about these posts. it seems so much longer than a year ago. as if i were reading this blog my whole life.

Fran├žois G. Couillard said...

This is insane. You're geniously mad.