Friday, May 14, 2010

Heartaches Pilot 11 - Shan's call

At home, Shaniqua dials Roxy's number to see if she is feeling any better.
"Hey Rox! Do you feel better now that you've been home for awhile? Let's go hang out by the Catholic school tonight!"

Roxy: "you'll never believe what my own mother did, Shan!! She threw out Curly Fuzz Poodle!!!"Shan: "What!!? No way! He was your favorite toy!! What did she do that for?"
Roxy: "Because she HATES me!!" Shan: "She must, if she threw out Curly! Maybe we can find you a new Mom!"
Roxy:" Hang on, someone's at my door."
Roxy's Mom is standing in the doorway, holding something behind her back.
Roxy:"What do you want now?! To beat me with whips? Leave me alone! I'm on the phone!"
Mom: "No, Honey, I bought you a nice toy - a TV one!"
Mom wants to win Roxy's favor and has bought her a brand new doll: Dorra Diversity, based on the award winning TV cartoon that tells you what to believe!

Mom: "And she's good for the environment too! She's completely made of recycled materials! Plus, she talks! She shares lessons about getting along with all races and cultures! Isn't that fun?? How do these crazy cartoonists come up with such wild stuff?"
Roxy doesn't care about toys that teach you anything. All she wants to know is: "Is she FUNNY?"

Mom is repulsed: "Funny? Gawd no! Nothing so vulgar as that!"
Roxy has a fit. "I don't wanna learn anything! I want my funny retarded Curly Fuzz Poodle back! Go away, Robespierre!" She tosses her phone at Mom.
The phone bounces off Mom's head and Roxy catches it.She turns and sobs to Shaniqua: "Oh Shan I'm so worried about Curly! He's all alone in the cold cruel world! No one to love him!!"
"Aw, I'm sure he's got someone, Rox. Don't worry..."
Meanwhile, Curly is shivering from the cold in his new house of love. Spaz is concerned about his fragile wife.
Canadian wind blows through the house. Curly has another problem besides being cold. He pulls his talking cord and whispers to his husband "I gotta...psst,psst,psst."
Spaz motions to the door. "So go, already!" Hardy mutts like him don't use fruity indoor facilities. Curly is shocked. He whimpers "But I'm afraid to go out in the dark all alone."
Spaz walks his mate outside to reassure him while he does his duty. Spaz is starting to wonder whether marrying a soft and pampered uptown girl was the smartest thing to do.

Do you think it was a good idea?


Taber said...

Wait... is Curly Fuzz a boy or a girl?

JohnK said...

That depends on your needs.

Amlilui said...


Lampshade said...

Dorra Diversity's expectations sound too unrealistic. She's supposed to teach kids to PRETEND to get along with all races and cultures.

yawn said...

OH my goodness!Part 11 is the funniest part of the story.Love Shan's poses on the bed. I agree with Lampshade, its just like Leela says "we can't get along until we pretend to like each other" just joking.

RooniMan said...

It looks to be a tough marriage to keep.

bergsten said...

Have you considered the Comedy Channel / Network (or whatever they call themselves these days)? Know Trey?

They seem on occasion to buy Politically Incorrect Material.

Not often, granted, but now and then such things seem to sneak through when nobody important is looking -- maybe it gives them the illusion of pretending to be "fair and balanced."

Hey, maybe whatsisname on Fox News wants to produce a cartoon series.

SandraRivas said...

I love Spaz's frustration! This is really cute!

Scrawnypumpkinseed said...

Ah yes, a thinly veiled Dora the Dorka reference.

Easily one of the most animated and funny shows on television today.

Who needs movement and humor when you can have life-lessons and long pauses in which the characters stare into our souls!

Jack G. said...

This story is good and fun.

"That Depends on your needs"?!!


coolhand said...

i think this is really funny, but like all your other cartoons, it seems to fall into that no mans land demographic between kids and adults... where i guess teens are supposed to pick up the slack, but they are too cool for watching cartoons. seems like a hard sell, as funny as it is. very relate-able

Anonymous said...

those 'teenage girls on the phone' postures are fantastic!

I would love to draw Mohammad with Dora Diversity!

Anonymous said...

John, I'm surprised you could even stomach watching that awful Dora show they have on Nickelodeon these days. You must have puked on your TV right after watching one lame, bland, moral-crammed episode with crappy voice talent, etc, and then washed it all down with some of your favorite Nelvana cartoons, like Franklin and Little Bear, therefore, causing even more puking in front of Eddie Fitzgerald and friends. After all, you are from Canada.

Great stuff as usual.

"That depends on your needs."

A hermaphrodite toy dog?

HemlockMan said...

I like Robespierre.

obi frosttips said...

What happened to the good old days when racist caricatures were still considered funny?? ~sigh~

Elana Pritchard said...

Things fall apart.

Taber said...


Anonymous said...

I personally enjoy the way you draw black people and I think her name is cute! When I was a kid My mom always showed me a diverse array of artists who drew black people that were stylized and so dark... something you don't really see today! Now skin tones in cartoons these days have to be "realistic", as if this doesn't exist anymore

Shan isn't trying to be different of what's stereotyped, bus is just portraying a kid being a kid! When I was young and nappy headed (like 6), I listened to Hendrix, Fitzgerald, Led Zeplin, The Beetles, anything that was good! A white kid even mentioned I was odd because I liked rock.... haha what?

Anyways, long story short, Shan is fun and relatable. I wish figures or plushes of her existed when I was a girl... Especially if you could stylize those poofs with some crazy blues, browns, and blacks!

Anonymous said...

Oi! Forgot my question...

Ever see Proud Family? Did you ever like the visual and interactive diversity between the black characters? Someone said the show was a stereotype of black people. But I never saw it that way since I could find a real life family member who acted similar to each character individually. Then again I'm the same person who thinks golliwogs are appealing.

georgeliquor said...

Brilliant attack on Dora. The thing is, though, Dora the Explorer isn't even MEANT to be entertaining. It's made for 3 year olds who like anything with bright colors.

I want to donate, butt I don't know how much. 5? 10? 25? 65? 100 in unmarked bills only?

kurtwil said...

Beavis, Butthead, Doria, and a host of modern animated characters prove useful at hotels I've stayed at - they never fail to put me to sleep.
Heartaches does the opposite.

I hope JK figures out a way, either by donations, enlisting volunteer help or whatever to get all (or a good chunk) of one of his new proposed pilots done.

Side question given all the 3D hype lately: JK, perhaps in future you could mention what you think of HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON, and dipping back into history, POPEYE THE QUEST FOR PAPPY?

Mr. Semaj said...

I would suggest, depending on how much you want to squeeze out of the Dora spoof, it would be more clever if Roxy figured out the doll's lameness on her own, or if it was gradually revealed to us, rather than her mom explaining everything upfront.

Other than that, the story is pretty interesting so far.

Kid_Jacob said...

This officially sold me on the show. I can see why networks aren't picking it up, though: it's too smart. Not for the kids--networks just have this ridiculous idea that kids are idiots and wouldn't "get" this stuff. That's what I always appreciated about your stuff as a kid--I never felt like you were talking down to us kids, like so many other shows did (like, and I hate to mention its name here, Doug). My parents could watch Ren and Stimpy and laugh just as hard as I could. Looney Tunes, Tom and Jerry--they were the same way. Heartaches is already on the right track.