Friday, January 23, 2009

Time For A Goddamn Bearcut!

Bear Hair-Cut Storyboard

Here's a wacky storyboard done by world famous REX. This is a good example of direct sponsorship or "branded entertainment".

George and Jimmy are sitting at a picnic tablein the thick of the woods.
there is a toaster oven on the table.
a cord droops over the table and goes over to the car and in the open door.
maybe we start on the car and pan to the table, pan following the cord.

up to the toaster and then 2 pine cones spring out
they are hot
and they are so hot he sort of juggles them up and down and blows on them to cool them off

different types of animals scurry by
they are all hairy

even some bird has long crazy head feathers
George is disgusted
he complains to Jimmy
about all the long haired forest freaks
Then they hear a rustling in the bush
George shushes Jimmy
a bear rises up from behind the bush
he sees the Vibe
"Hey man!"

" you got a Pontiac Vibe!"
"groovy Dad"
"You mind if I plug my Strat in there."
"I wanna rock out"

"I'll rock you out all right!"
George throws a rock at his head

Scene wipe

fade in on the bear with a sheet around his neck as George shears his hair off with clippers
that are attached to the Vibe outlet

The bear comes to and looks straight ahead
Jimmy is holding a mirror in front of his face
the bear is like "Whoa!"
" I'm decent!"
He turns his head back and forth to see the haircut in the mirror from different angles

then he looks at George and says, "Can i have whitewalls like yours?"

cut to the part above George's ears where it's shaved so we know what "whitewalls are"
George: "Done!"
another wipe

and we see the bear beaming with pride with his new republican hairstyle
then he looks sheepish and leans down to George, "Say do you think you could do anything about my wife?"
Crunch crunch crunch
they hear branches breaking

a hideous Gorilla walks out, with natty hair and long black teats

George does a shock take, his scalp recedes
then he gains composure
"With the Pontiac Vibe fancy-ass AC outlet, anything's possible!....

He looks at the Gorilla
"Lift your arms"
she does
bugs pass by and the waft from the armpits hit the flies and they drop dead
they land in Jimmy's hand
he eats them.

George inspects the armpits and her hairy legs

"Lady, this ain't France!"
In our country, the women shave their tender parts!
We don't need to show the shaving, but we should hear it
maybe the bear is watching the action as stubble flies through the scene
he is looking pleased
cut to the ac outletGeorge pulls out one plug and plugs in another

then cut to a blowdryer fluffing up the Gorilla's huge pink wig
then we hear the dryer turn off

the Bear is elated, clasping his ands together, shoulders high
George is smug
Jimmy is getting aroused

then cut to the newly shaved and beautified Gorillaher arms up in the air, pits shaved
legs shaved
but still hairy everywhere elseshe still has the unsightly breasts

George plops a bra on them as the finishing touch

"Save that shit for the National Geographic! Decent folk wrap 'em up!"
then a shot of the bear with his arm around the bashful Gorilla

"How can we ever thank you for making us decent?"

George shoots them
the last shot is them on George's trophy wall
pan past bear head
gorilla head
gorilla arms coming out of their own plaque so we can see the shaved part
George in his comfy den chair smoking his pipe "Yessir, The Pontiac Vibe is a Goddamn Salon on wheels!"