Well Mike Fontanelli has switched obsessions. He's abandoned his role as champion of Native Americans in favor of spreading the lore of Smokey The Pectoral Bear.Smokey the "Bear" is a misnomer. He is actually half man /half bear. He has pectoral muscles, walks bipedally, talks and will not wear a shirt. He teaches his son all-American man morals too: "Son, always remember to never wear a shirt while patrolling the forest. Bare your naked breast with manly pride."
You might think you already know everything there is to know about Smokey The Bear. But you're wrong. - Unless you have read this mysterious freak of nature's gripping ethical adventures in Dell Comics.
Smokey does more than just put out forest fires. His role is much more all-encompassing than merely ridding the wilds of arsonists. He has many surprising responsibilities.
INTERFERING WITH NATURE
Smokey is revolted by the natural order of things.
He needs to stop carnivores from eating cute things.
Eating an ugly old Mom is just fine though.TO PUT ANIMALS OUT THEIR MISERY
Smokey is always on the lookout for wounded animals so he can end their misery with his missile of mercy. "Hey Mr. Racoon. Is that a limp?""Uh, no sir, Mr. Smokey! It's just a little scratch! I stepped on a burr! Nothing serious at all." "Tsk, tsk" says Smokey. If there's one thing I can't stand; it's to see a poor ignorant beast in pain."
"Oh, please, Mr. Ranger Bear, sir, don't cock that rifle! Honest, it doesn't hurt a ..."
BOOOOM!
Thud.
TO SETTLE DISPUTES WITH ASSHOLES USING SUPERIOR FIGHTING SKILLS
Smokey is a good bear. There is an evil bear though. His name is GIMP. He tries to kill everyone - even animals without scratches, nicks, wounds or blemish. Smokey stops the killings with mixed martial arts.
Here Gimp tries to kill Smokey and his baby.
Then Smokey pushes Gimp's car over a cliff. It lands and bursts into flames. Smokey pulls his burning cousin out of the mangled melted metal hulk, eager to put him out of his misery.
But when the whole forest catches fire he makes a deal and promises to not kill Gimp, if Gimp will just help him put out the fire. Gimp always lies and tries to kill Smokey and his baby in every issue, but Smokey is so good that he believes the 3 time loser every time. Dell comics feels that this message of trusting your most vicious enemies will comfort Moms. I find comfort in it myself.
After Gimp betrays Smokey for the 57th time, our hero decides to give him a lesson in Greco-Roman wrestling on a floating log.
Smokey is also quite adept at American fisticuffs. Fighting fair is the best way to take care of murdering hairy blue monsters.
Smokey knocks out the killer and gives him another chance in the next issue, hoping that Gimp might pick up a scratch so he can without guilt put him out of his pain.TO EDUCATE OUR YOUTH ABOUT THE POCKET GOPHER
TO BEAT ENDANGERED SPECIES WITH STICKS
Smokey never forgets to give the recipients of his mercy killings a decent burial. Here he is waving to Moms from the cemetary. "You can trust me with your kids" he seems to be saying.
There are many more Smokey thrills to come.
