Modern Thinking: Better Than What We Stole From

We didn't like Robin Hood, so we made up something new and called it Robin Hood to trick the audience into seeing the movie we made, because we know that most people, unlike us, DO like Robin Hood. We are Hollywood.


WHY is it more substantive? Because: It's
and

How many thing are wrong with this article?

How Do You Feel About Human Eyes On Cartoon Characters?

Human eyes, but a cartoon expression that actual human eyes don't ever make. Maybe he has a tick in his left eye.

The human body but with cartoon proportions adds to the perversion. To me that makes him look like a sideshow freak, rather than a wacky cartoon character, but then I'm "old-school".

I wonder when this type of thing started and what the reasoning is behind it?They must think there is something wrong with this design. But then why make a movie of it? Because the stories and characterization were great? Has the whole world gone crazy? I would love to be in on a meeting when some big executives decide how they are going to fix old cartoon characters by changing everything that made them popular. Is there film of a meeting of executives doing this? Now that would be pure entertainment. They should make a movie about the nutty world of executives who hate common sense.
This reminds me of when Hollywood takes comedians who are really popular on Saturday Night Live or other shows and then makes depressing serious movies with them. Modern Hollywood purposely goes against what seems to be common sense. They are supposed to be trying to make money, but they go go out of their way to play against everything they know the public expects and wants. It's like a big contest between the major studios for who can make the sickest ugliest most depressing 90 minute torture sessions. It's the modern Inquisition.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/movies/2010/04/mighty-mouse-remake-paramount.html

Warren Buffet Agrees:

Amir Avni sent me this:

Hi John,


I just read an article with a genius quote from Warren Buffet:

“We found that the real trick in business is not to be a genius yourself but to go around associating with geniuses who are already doing a good job and stay out of their way.”
http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/152662/Israel-Eco-revolution-in-the-desert

This directly relates to all you've said about the environment/conditions in which the greatest cartoons where created (Schlesinger's studio, etc..)
I hope we can find someone like Warren Buffett who wants to make cartoons!

~Amir

Warren and Amir each deserve a Slimy for that:

Cartoons and Chainsaws 1

What are cartoons for? Well I was raised to believe they were funny drawings designed to make you laugh. Of course, I now know I'm completely wrong. Lots of folks have corrected me. They say, "Well John, that's not all cartoons can do...Open your mind to the infinite possibilities!"

So I'm convinced. But I think we should apply that reasoning to all inventions just to be fair.Like, what is the chainsaw designed to do best?
I bet you think it's to cut down trees.
Pshaw. Piffle. Poo Poo on that. How shallow.
Of course they do that very well and better than anything else, but is that ALL we should be doing with them?? The mere fact that it does that better than other inventions is exactly the reason not to do it! This is 21st century thinking now.
No, surely there are other things to do with wood cutting tools.

You don't want to limit the creativity of wood cutters by just having them saw wood. In fact, we should eliminate that purpose altogether. You can think of some things chainsaws aren't really designed for can't you? We are all equally creative now after all.I know! This is something they really aren't good at! Chainsaws, like cartoons could raise your kids right (since parents and church can't) and teach them moral values that the people who run the businesses don't have.

You can also use chainsaws to explore the depth of emotion in little children.
How many animated cartoons have dead Moms in them? The theory is if you make cartoons that make kids cry, that is a much higher purpose than making kids laugh. Killing Moms in cartoons is a very effective and highbrow way to make kids cry. I suppose these animated producers beat their kids regularly, knowing how much they all enjoy crying. I wonder if they also charge them 10 bucks for it?

So now chainsaws are not meant to cut wood, because that would be a low and foul misuse of what the chainsaw was invented for. It's cheating to use a tool just to do what it does really well.
Moral of the story: Chainsaws should be good for you and never do what they do best, just like cartoons.

I have more of these analogies, should you want to see them

A Writer's Story Of The Pain Of Modern Jargon

A well known and respected cartoon writer (with enough emmys to fill a bowling alley) saw my post about Writer-executive jargon and sent me an email relating one of his own experiences with modern buzzwords. I cut out his name to protect his identity so he can continue to work. Here's his story:

Hi John,

I saw your latest blog post about insane animation executive blather. It reminded me of a pitch meeting I had last year at Disney.

I was meeting with some artists I like in their TV division to pitch a new idea to their boss, a cookie cutter idle dandy who had, predictably, failed in all other areas of entertainment then drifted, also predictably, into animation. This Disney ass-ecutive arrived ten minutes late, no doubt to instill the proper aura of fear and respect in his underlings. He was also loudly cracking and popping gum, his way of telling us that nothing important was going on in this room, certainly nothing that required his full attention.

I never actually got to say anything for the ass-ec quickly launched into a full flurry of buzz words to describe the series he was looking for: "fresh," "hip," "hot," "out of the box," and the ever popular "cutting edge," which I happened to be fantasizing about applying to his jugular at that moment. As an added bonus, he became intensely involved in examining his right shoe, to the point he removed his Bass weejun and traced his finger over the stitching while continuing to blather on about "narrative arcs," "the heroes' journey," "Joseph Campbell," and other expressions gleaned from a STAR WARS "Making Of" bonus feature.

After several minutes of this, ass-ec's cell phone rang and he stepped into the hallway to confirm his dinner reservation. I looked to the dazed artists on either side of me and remarked, "Don't like cartoons much, do he?" A few pained grins were my only confirmations. A second later ass-ec popped his head back in to announce "We're done," then fluttered away to spread joy elsewhere. Later he called my agent to complain that for a pitch, I didn't put on much of a show for him. "**** just sat there saying nothing." Ass-ec whined. "What was wrong with him, anyway?"

****ing awesome.

Give me a shout if you still want to grab lunch. I see you have a booth at San Diego and will drop by. Hopefully you will have a few of those Donald Bastard shirts in mega-size.

Ideas- Crazy Writer Terminology

I mentioned something about writers and executives loving obscure terminology when talking about ideas, so my friend Steve Williams sent me this list of sayings he banned from a movie he directed for disney. I added a couple of sayings I've heard over the years too. I'd love to hear more from your own experiences!

If you have any story bibles for cartoon shows, they'll be chock full of crazy talk.


"Let's run it up the flagpole and see if it sticks"

"We need a Scooby Beat here"

"We need to lay in a pipeline..."


From Steve (also known as Spaz):

"This is bald, but..." (the whole idea isn't there yet, but here's a start...)

"what's the story arc" ( supposedly all characters need an "arc";
beginning/middle/end; and apparently so does the story)

"internal logic" ( the public won't get it)

"it's a buy" (idiots sign off on it)

"it has no payoff" (who knows; I still can't figure out if it's a gay term)

"yelling is never funny, spaz" (this is what a Disney exec told me)

"it needs a turn" (the story is linear and needs a twist; why? don't ask me)

"I'll knit it together" (put 2 paragraphs together)

"it dovetails nicely" (segues into another idea)

"if you pull that string, it all unravels" (gay term again, about dangling ideas')

"too much pipe" ( this one always got me; i think it means the opposite of "it needs a turn")

"it's just chuffa" ( a hebrew term for "fluff")




Anyway, this kind of talk is a way to avoid directly coming up with actual specific and fresh ideas for a story. Actual creative people don't have trouble just presenting their story ideas in English but phonies do. Phonies need a secret language to hide the fact that the story is all formula.


Actually once in a blue moon, an executive - if he wants something really specific that doesn't depend upon committee approval, he will actually use pure undiluted English - as in this famous quote:
"Aladdin needs to be more F#$@able"

Ideas - Arenas - The Modern Way To Write Stories

I had a pitch meeting at Dreamworks once -where the stories are so imaginative they could only happen in dreams. They actually called me and asked me to pitch so I got all excited and brought a couple very specific well developed character-based ideas I had that I thought I could develop into movie stories.
They weren't ready to let me open my portfolio to show them.

They said "We don't like to look at characters right away. We don't want to be swayed by interesting or funny characters. The way we create stories here is to think of an "arena" first."What's an 'arena'?" I asked ignorantly.

"We think of an environment or setting that we think would make a good story - like say, trees, or maybe underwater. Then we research it to see what kind of animals live in that environment and if they are funny. You know like, once we've decided water would be a funny place for a story, then we start thinking about what kind of characters would populate that "arena", like let's say "fish". Yes fish would fit nicely into the underwater arena. Or maybe crabs. If we are really feeling wild and wacky, we might put a crazy jellyfish or something in there. Or 2 to make it twice as funny." I asked what they needed me for if that was all it took to make a story.

They said "Well we know you are really good at creating characters with personality, and we'd like to see what you'd come up with doing things the Dreamworks way." (Actually this may be the way many studios do it, not just Dreamworks)

They suggested I go home and think of some arenas that might be fun to put characters in and then come back. I finished my free buffet lunch and shook hands all around and got ready to go work on some arenas, but then they stopped me to make another suggestion:

"Well, we'd really like to see what kind of arenas you could think of, like maybe you would think up for example "the desert arena".Another wise exec suggested "Yes! A desert arena! "

The other exec piped up with: "Then when you figure out out what sorts of animals could thrive in that arena, you think of what movie stars would fit those species. Some kind of animal that Robin Williams could play!" "Or Jim Carrey!" "Or Will Smith!" They had a litle trouble coming up with what kind of animals lived in deserts, but no trouble casting the actors.

"I bet you could come up with some hilarious characters for a desert! Like maybe....a CAMEL!" Then you'd think of like who could make a good camel in a cartoon? Maybe someone who is in every animated movie might work. Someone whose voice you would never recognize would be good."

They argued about which stars made the best camel: "Kevin Costner!" "No, Robin Williams!" "No, Elton John! Yes, someone who speaks to American family values!" This went on for awhile, then one of them stopped and turned to me, "Well of course John's the character guy. We don't wanna dictate to you what kind of character or which actor to use- you bring us your ideas! And feel free to use the desert arena! Only if you want! Maybe we could do Casablanca as a cartoon! - but don't let us influence you! We want to hear YOUR ideas!"

The other exec agreed wholeheartedly, but then assured me they probably wouldn't turn down a desert arena.

They patted me on the back vigorously and said they couldn't wait to hear my ideas.
As long as they took place in a desert and the story was borrowed from Casablanca.
This is a much more sophisticated way to come up with cartoon ideas than what I'm used to.

So I've learned that one type of "idea" is a place to live. If you can think of a place where things live, then you are an idea man.

Let's see...maybe a feature film could take place behind the fridge... on a lawn....or in a kitchen cabinet, or under a rock...

Goals of A Shorts Program 2

Shorts, past and present - is there a difference?
The best most financially fruitful shorts programs all happened in the 30s and 40s.
Disney's shorts program allowed them to experiment with technique and develop their skills to the point where they could eventually create and make animated feature films and in the process push the whole medium forward.

Warner Bros.' shorts program developed the greatest Directors and created the most and best cartoon characters in history.

When I was a consultant for Fred Seibert at Hanna Barbera, I told him all this stuff and he decided it would be a good idea to start a shorts program of his own - to discover new talent and new characters for HB and the Cartoon Network.

searching for a simple formula to shorts success

It wasn't done as efficiently or logically as the old shorts programs of the 30s, and none of the modern shorts programs have been as successful as the classic ones that inspired them.

Today every TV studio has its own shorts program. Why? Because every other studio does, and studios copy trends without stopping to try to understand them. I've witnessed a lot of money wasted because of inefficient strategies and vague goals.

Maybe I can shed some light on why shorts programs yielded better results in days of yore by giving some details about not only the goals of a shorts program but how best to achieve them, following the models of classic Disney and Warner Bros.


1)To Discover Talent
Finding star talent is an immediately obvious goal of a shorts program, but it's not so obvious how to go about doing it - or hanging on to it.

There is more to discovering talent than just finding talented people. The people need experience and the ability to make some mistakes and more...I'll get into it in my next shorts post.


I can also relate some of my own experiences and lessons learned from study, practice and trial and error.