Jimmy's Gifts 2

Jimmy plucks up his loved one. George (playful): "You'll never guess what it iiiiiis!"
He produces a rectangular glob of processed meat. "It's a damn luncheon loaf, lad!
The mysterious loaf bounces on the table.
"That's a dadblasted olive loaf! 'n' it's all fer you! Cut the crap outta that sucker, boy!"
Jimmy wonders what feels so good and George tells him the secret. "That's GOD'S meat, son! Probably has every one of His creatures ground up inside! Christ hisself prob'ly doesn't know who the *%#@!! is in there! Mebbe even some Goddamned Angel Cows!"
They have a moment of silent prayer. Then Jimmy prepares to serve luncheon.
George can't wait to taste every one of God's creatures in one magnificent sparkling all-American loaf.
The loaf offers no resistance as Jimmy slices lunch up in a mad frenzy with his unspoiled virgin blade.

to be continued...with apologies to Danny Antonucci
just in case you thought I made this up...I actually had to eat this stuff at lunch when I was a kid! It induced instant puke every time.

Jimmy's Gifts

The most generous man in the world is walking along his humble abode, humming a happy tune.

"Dum de dum, de dum
bibbity boppity poop
iptee ooptee doop
dee yada da dadda da plop..."

He meets up with his idiot nephew. "Here ya go Lad, I bought ya a present!" Jimmy likes presents indeed. He tears it open with vigor.

Jimmy wonders what the gleaming object is. "Ya like that, son?" asks George.

Jimmy inspects it with acute animal senses. "That's your first knife, boy! All red-blooded nincompoops need a sharp object to carry around with 'em!"
Jimmy tests it's wind shearing weight.
He's getting a feel for it! George slyly coughs "A-heh-ahem!"

"I gotta another present for ya!" he sings...

To be continued....